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It is better to ask your own knowledge and experience to solve problems than to ask other people for advice. v.1

It is better to ask your own knowledge and experience to solve problems than to ask other people for advice. v. 1
Many people often participate in hazardous sports such as scuba diving and bungee jumping. It is often suggested that these people should take their own responsibilities as rescue workers are not accountable to save these adventurous people by compromising their own lives. I personally agree with this point of view as I believe that rescue workers have the right to reduce the risk of their own lives again people should not participate in risky sports. First of all, aid workers are significantly important part of our society, therefore, they should not be exposed to the dangerous rescue operation rescue operation frequently. While trying to save others lives, rescuers may die or wound seriously. To ensure the safety of the rescue workers, the government should use them only in the major disastrous events rather using them to rescue the adventurous sportsmen. Taking India as an example, the authority of India has recently stopped providing any help to the Everest climbers who deliberately take a risk to fulfil their desire. As a result the Indian authority minimizes the fatality rate of their aid workers. Secondly, dangerous sports are not beneficial for the society. Therefore the participants of these sports should not rely on the society to get an aid while they face an accident. These people get involved in various dangerous sports only for their personal interest. Though audiences of the risky sports sometimes get pleasure to watch these games, overall these games are a kind of waste of time and money. Furthermore, if the aid workers sacrifice their lives to save these sportsmen, many dangerous sports will be promoted. On the other hand, if these sportsmen do not get any assistance from the aid workers, fewer people will be interested to participate in the game. In conclusion, aid workers should not help those who unnecessarily taking part on threatening sports because these sports are not beneficial for the society and to protect the lives of the rescuers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
participate in hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as scuba diving and bungee jumping. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suggested that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibilities as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are not accountable to save these adventurous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by compromising their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view as I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
again
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not participate in risky sports.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
therefore
, they should not
be exposed
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
operation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
operation
frequently
. While trying to save others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, rescuers may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
or wound
seriously
. To ensure the safety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the major disastrous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
rather
using them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
the adventurous sportsmen. Taking India as an example, the authority of India has recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
providing any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the Everest climbers who
deliberately
take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to fulfil their desire.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result the Indian authority minimizes the fatality rate of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
workers.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the participants of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not rely on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
while they face an accident. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their personal interest. Though audiences of the risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pleasure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these games,
overall
these games are a kind of waste of time and money.
Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
sacrifice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
to save these sportsmen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
be promoted
.
On the other hand
, if these sportsmen do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any assistance from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be interested
to participate in the game.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those who
unnecessarily
taking part on threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of the rescuers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better to ask your own knowledge and experience to solve problems than to ask other people for advice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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