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Student should focus on learning in the classroom rather than show their status by wearing fashionable cloths Therefore all students have to wear school uniforms Do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

Student should focus on learning in the classroom rather than show their status by wearing fashionable cloths Therefore all students have to wear school uniforms v. 1
Although there are many problems faced by the children, obesity is the critical one. Being extremely fat is the precise disease, which is mostly observed in them. Not only genetics plays a vital role in this case, but also consuming junk food would be the reason for it; however, we will ponder the necessary remedies such as better diet, as well as, doing exercise regularly. While there would be a plethora of reasons that cause illness in the toddlers, corpulence is the major issue. Firstly, genetics is the primary reason for them of being excessively fat; moreover, ingesting junk food would be also the fact, so the juveniles are facing this outcome. Most noticeable of all, it is clear that the gene, which is inherited from parents will be the reason for this defect, and there were no solutions for this kind. Meanwhile, eating a lot of junk items would make the child excessively fat because of the toxic oils, which were used in these street foods. While the points referred here seems convincing, we have one more persuasive topic to cover the key ideas to avoid these effects. As the effects are very dangerous for toddlers, they were enough medications to resolve these type of issues. Regular exercise helps the young people in order to sustain from this sickness; however, taking a healthy diet would lead them to overcome from the problem. Even though a child would play a lot of games, regular workout; for example, going to the gym, doing sports must also be considered as mandatory, so the child might get reduced in the weight. Outside food must be avoided for the people who are facing this circumstance because of mixed toxins in these foods, so the maximum outcome might be achieved by the infants. These supporting points show the solutions for avoiding being fat. In conclusion, we have discussed that obesity is the problem, which occurs mostly in kids, and the reasons behind this health issue. Despite of doing daily workout, they must also consume the best diet for the required outcome.
Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems faced by the children, obesity is the critical one. Being
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
is the precise disease, which is
mostly
observed in them. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
genetics plays a vital role
in this case
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
consuming junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for it;
however
, we will ponder the necessary remedies such as better diet,
as well
as, doing exercise
regularly
.

While there would be a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that cause illness in the toddlers, corpulence is the major issue.
Firstly
, genetics is the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for them of being
excessively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
;
moreover
, ingesting junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would be
also
the fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the juveniles are facing this outcome. Most noticeable of all, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the gene, which
is inherited
from parents will be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this defect, and there were no solutions for this kind. Meanwhile, eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
junk items would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the child
excessively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the toxic oils, which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in these street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. While the points referred here seems convincing, we have one more persuasive topic to cover the key
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to avoid these effects.

As the effects are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for toddlers, they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
medications to resolve these type of issues. Regular exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in order to sustain from this sickness;
however
, taking a healthy diet would lead them to overcome from the problem.

Even though
a child would play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
games, regular workout;
for example
, going to the gym, doing sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be considered
as mandatory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the child might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in the weight. Outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be avoided
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are facing this circumstance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mixed toxins in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the maximum outcome might
be achieved
by the infants. These supporting points
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the solutions for avoiding being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.

In conclusion
, we have discussed that obesity is the problem, which occurs
mostly
in kids, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this health issue.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
doing daily workout, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
consume the best diet for the required outcome.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Student should focus on learning in the classroom rather than show their status by wearing fashionable cloths Therefore all students have to wear school uniforms v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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