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Earlier, people wore cloths which were related to their culture but now people people wear the same type of cloths all over the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

Earlier, people wore cloths which were related to their culture but now people people wear the same type of cloths all over the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
The globalization has had a predominant impact on the people’s lives; especially for their attires. In the past, the people were used to wear their conventional cloths influenced by their culture; while in globalized village, the diversity in costumes has been faded. Such enhancement in fashion is beneficial to the mankind and the supporting arguments are discussed further. To begin with, the most lucrative side of the common types of cloths is that the discrimination among the people based on cast, religion, colour, wealth and nationality has been faded. Such revolutionary practice plays a vital role to build harmony in the society, which is the most essential element for the sustainable development. For instance, in the eighteenth century the dress code of a layman was decided based on the social taboo and religion, which was the clear violation of the human right. Thus, by wearing similar attire all over the world, the people are representing the global culture of the developed society. Moreover, the similar dressing sense of the people make them more comfortable with each other. The traveller in abroad could interact with the native people with an ease, if they have some common factor between them such as an attire, then they feel quite familiar with the situations. For example, the tourist in India can easily indulge with the local people due to common attire. Although people wear their traditional clothes in festivals and marriage ceremony, for their own rigorous and social beliefs. Thus, the culture can be preserved with the development of the society by avoiding radical practices in routine life. In conclusion, the advancement in the human being has changed the dressing sense of an individual dramatically. This change in fashion is a first step towards the bonding between the people and the social equality. The society is not only benefited due this practice, but also the future generations will have fruitful results.
The globalization has had a predominant impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
;
especially
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attires
. In the past, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wear their conventional cloths influenced by their culture; while in globalized village, the diversity in costumes has
been faded
. Such enhancement in fashion is beneficial to the mankind and the supporting arguments
are discussed
further
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most lucrative side of the common types of cloths is that the discrimination among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on cast, religion,
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
, wealth and nationality has
been faded
. Such revolutionary practice plays a vital role to build harmony in the society, which is the most essential element for the sustainable development.
For instance
, in the eighteenth century the dress code of a layman
was decided
based on the social taboo and religion, which was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
violation of the human right.
Thus
, by wearing similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attire
all over the world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are representing the global culture of the developed society.

Moreover
, the similar dressing sense of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more comfortable with each other. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
in abroad could interact with the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
, if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
common factor between them such as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attire
, then they feel quite familiar with the situations.
For example
, the tourist in India can
easily
indulge with the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attire
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wear their traditional clothes in festivals and marriage ceremony, for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rigorous and social beliefs.
Thus
, the culture can
be preserved
with the development of the society by avoiding radical practices in routine life.

In conclusion
, the advancement in the human being has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the dressing sense of an individual
dramatically
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in fashion is a
first
step towards the bonding between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the social equality. The society is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefited due this practice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the future generations will have fruitful results.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Earlier, people wore cloths which were related to their culture but now people people wear the same type of cloths all over the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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