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Who do you enjoy speaking with most in your daily life? Why do enjoy speaking with this person? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.1

Who do you enjoy speaking with most in your daily life? Why do enjoy speaking with this person? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1
Despite the fact that development in science is beneficial in some cases like to expand lifespan, some people also believe that it has eventually its downsides even if they dream about long-lasting life. As I think extended lifetime of mankind will aggravate world problems. This essay looks at ideas against exceeding lifespan. On the one hand, some people believe that elders could empower and pass their experiences to society such as government, companies and even youngsters. Moreover, obviously if young generation does not keep in touch with sorrow and sadness of their near one's death, it would raise the life expectancy and it leads to change new generation lifestyle with healthier trend. Hence, long-last living is desirable because senior have a long period of time to spend with their grandchildren which has moral merit. A survey indicated that people who are associated with their family in the long-term are extremely content. On the other hand, the aforementioned upsides are negligible when we consider the downsides of living forever. To begin with, after people reach over 70 they find their life monotonous as if they would have hardly anything left to do or experience. In addition, vividly, overpopulated society causes global problems, accommodation issues, transportation issues and crisis natural resources. Furthermore, in my point of view, the worst drawback is putting the burden on the young generation's shoulders, which is totally cruelty. Taking responsibility of elder group is an exhausting phenomenon for juvenile. To sum up, people may have different opinions, but I think that science should not take steps against nature regulations and expose lifespan of humans as it will worsen both society and family situations. It is better to live life more adequate instead of living longer.
Despite the fact that development in science is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases like to expand lifespan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
believe that it has
eventually
its downsides even if they dream about long-lasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
extended lifetime of mankind will aggravate world problems. This essay looks at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
against exceeding lifespan.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that elders could empower and pass their experiences to society such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and even youngsters.
Moreover
,
obviously
if young generation does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with sorrow and sadness of their near one's death, it would raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy and it leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
new generation lifestyle with healthier trend.
Hence
, long-last living is desirable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
senior have a long period of time to spend with their grandchildren which has moral merit. A survey indicated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are associated
with their family in the long-term are
extremely
content.

On the other hand
, the aforementioned upsides are negligible when we consider the downsides of living forever. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reach over 70 they find their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
monotonous as if they would have hardly anything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to do or experience.
In addition
,
vividly
, overpopulated society causes global problems, accommodation issues, transportation issues and crisis natural resources.
Furthermore
, in my point of view, the worst drawback is putting the burden on the young generation's shoulders, which is
totally
cruelty. Taking responsibility of elder group is an exhausting phenomenon for juvenile.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that science should not take steps against nature regulations and expose lifespan of humans as it will worsen both society and family situations. It is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more adequate
instead
of living longer.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Who do you enjoy speaking with most in your daily life? Why do enjoy speaking with this person? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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