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In the past people wore their traditional cloths and followed their culture. These days most of them wear fashionable cloths and look similar. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development. v.1

In the past people wore their traditional cloths and followed their culture. These days most of them wear fashionable cloths and look similar. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development. v. 1
It is undeniable that the global phenomenon of modernization has a great impact on people's dressing style and preferences. However, the former were the days when people preferred the traditional attire of the country and adopt the cultural norms, but nowadays wearing a fashionable clothes is a priority of the people so that they all look alike. Although, I think that the trend of adopting fashion is a negative development, but its positive aspects could not be ignored. To begin with, more and more people are indulging in the fashion and they select their dresses according to the latest trend and totally neglecting their traditional dress up styles. This has happened due to technology because people could get familiar with the stylish clothing on the internet. In addition, people have been following the western cultural dressing sense that is why, one's own country's cultural extinction has become a major concern as people are no more respectful towards their own cultural norms and values. Indeed, one research article suggests that 60% of people in India opt the dress designers of foreign culture as they are no longer interested in their own traditional dresses. Thus, this trend has various negative implications for today's generation as they are much concerned with the current fashion. Despite this, due to advancement in fashionable attires, the fashion designing has become a booming industry and getting a huge profit because the vast majority of people spend lavishly on the clothes. In addition, it has an indispensable role in generating employments as more people are required in order to work in this industry so that demand of people could easily meet. For example, the course in fashion designing has a huge demand all over the world and the people who are degree holder in the course could easily secure a good job position. Overall, to keep pace with the latest fashion certainly has some merits. In conclusion, as compared to past these days people updated themselves with the trend of fashion and tried to follow them with great efforts. It has various detriment effects because people are totally away from their own tradition and culture and considered their own values and norms related to dressing styles an extremely dull and boring. As far as I concerned, to follow the past paced fashion is worthless for a society in a long term
It is undeniable that the global phenomenon of modernization has a great impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's dressing style and preferences.
However
, the former were the days when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred the traditional attire of the country and adopt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
norms,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays wearing a fashionable clothes is a priority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they all look alike. Although, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of adopting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects could not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are indulging in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fashion and
they select their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
according to the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
and
totally
neglecting their traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
up styles. This has happened due to technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with the stylish clothing on the internet.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been following the western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
dressing sense
that is
why, one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
extinction has become a major concern as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are no more respectful towards their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
norms and values.
Indeed
, one research article suggests that 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India opt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
designers of foreign culture as they are no longer interested in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
.
Thus
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
has various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation as they are much concerned with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
fashion.

Despite this, due to advancement in fashionable attires, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
designing has become a booming industry and getting a huge profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
lavishly
on the clothes.
In addition
, it has an indispensable role in generating employments as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are required
in order to work in this industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
For example
, the course in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
designing has a huge demand all over the world and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are degree holder in the course could
easily
secure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job position.
Overall
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pace with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
certainly
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits.

In conclusion
, as compared to past these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
updated themselves with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and tried to follow them with great efforts. It has various detriment effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
totally
away from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tradition and culture and considered their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
values and norms related to dressing styles an
extremely
dull and boring. As far as I concerned, to follow the past paced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is worthless for a society in a long
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
term
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past people wore their traditional cloths and followed their culture. These days most of them wear fashionable cloths and look similar. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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