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For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world However nowadays people s values have changed and we tend to consider science technology and business more important than arts What do you think are the causes of this v.1

For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world However nowadays people s values have changed and we tend to consider science technology and business more important than arts What do you think are the causes of this v. 1
Successful is the one who survive the worst. An utmost crucial step towards it is to maintain physical fitness. The foundation of a healthy society is built when the children and youth are healthy and hence, its importance should be taught from the very beginning. I totally agree with the argument that every school should make physical education and sports as their compulsory part of the academic curriculum. This essay will talk in favour of this argument. Very truly quoted - "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". Sedentary lifestyle makes children lethargic and they are prone to several diseases. They are allured by the junk foods, but do not indulge in any sorts of play or exercise. Obesity is one major problem children are facing now a days. Because of inactive lifestyle children are falling ill frequently. Little change in weather brings them under the weather largely due to a weak immune system. Indoor games are more preferred instead of outdoor games, hence at home as well they keep on sitting at one place for extended periods. For successful and sound life, balance between physical and mental well being is necessary. Adding to this, they may involve themselves in other kinds of activities. Children and teenagers are more inclined towards spending time using the Internet, be it on mobile phones, laptop or on any other platform for that matter. Playing over the internet, video games or Playstations would not help in achieving the goal of fitness. Also, there are numerous inappropriate content available on the web which may spoil the young generation. Since it is easily accessible, hence become convenient to use and can become the comfortable zone for many. For example, PUBG has become the talk of the town and children as well youth spend their time playing it instead of going out. To conclude, if sports or physical education becomes compulsory in schools, children will be forced to play no matter what. Until an active lifestyle is adopted, overall development is not possible. This will also result in a healthy lifestyle and higher degree of performance and productivity would be achieved.
Successful is the one who survive the worst. An utmost crucial step towards it is to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness. The foundation of a healthy society
is built
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and youth are healthy and
hence
, its importance should
be taught
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beginning. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that every school should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education and sports as their compulsory part of the academic curriculum. This essay will talk in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this argument.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
truly
quoted
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
All work and no play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
Jack a dull boy
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lethargic and
they are prone to several diseases. They
are allured
by the junk foods,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not indulge in any sorts of play or exercise. Obesity is one major problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are facing
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are falling ill
frequently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in weather brings them under the weather
largely
due to a weak immune system. Indoor games are more preferred
instead
of outdoor games,
hence
at home
as well
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on sitting at one place for extended periods. For successful and sound life, balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
is necessary.

Adding to this, they may involve themselves in other kinds of activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are more inclined towards spending time using the Internet, be it on mobile phones, laptop or on any other platform for that matter. Playing over the internet, video games or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Playstations
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in achieving the goal of fitness.
Also
, there are numerous inappropriate content available on the web which may spoil the young generation. Since it is
easily
accessible,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the comfortable zone for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
For example
, PUBG has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the talk of the town and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
youth spend their time playing it
instead
of going out.

To conclude
, if sports or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
compulsory in schools,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be forced
to play no matter what. Until an active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is adopted
,
overall
development is not possible. This will
also
result in a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and higher degree of performance and productivity would
be achieved
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world However nowadays people s values have changed and we tend to consider science technology and business more important than arts What do you think are the causes of this v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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