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Stress related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

Of late, stress is gradually affecting the health of people. People are being diagnosed of condition which are related to tension. While increased work pressure and high financial burden are some potential causes, reducing workplace strain and managing finances tends to be suggested solutions. A lot of individuals are employed in places where there is massive work load and longer working hours. People who work in offices and demanding areas of the economy are subjected to intense pressure which has a long term effect on their health. For instance, working in grocery shops and hospitals where employees move up and down to satisfy clients leaves them no time to go for check ups even if they are not feeling well which can lead to sickness like hypertension. In addition, high standard of living in various countries accompanied by financial burden may lead to some ailments as a result of stress. A number of people work longer hours nonetheless earn low income which cannot satisfy all their financial needs. To elaborate, bills and taxes consume a significant portion of income earned leaving people with less money to cater for themselves and family. These often result in mental instability because they have to put in much effort to satisfy financial needs. Reducing work pressure and managing expenses are both essential to thwart stress- related ailments. People need to acknowledge that working at a comfortable pace and consulting experts on income management may effectively decrease stress thereby avoiding ailments. For example, responsibilities may be delegated and financial needs prioritize to minimize tension which encourages a sound mind. Therefore, in order to curb ill-health associated with strains, reduce work loads and manage finances. To sum up, a growing number of people are becoming sick due to stress. It is necessary to share duties and cut down expenses in order to avoid ill-health due to work loads and inability to deal with financial burdens.
Of late,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is
gradually
affecting the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
being diagnosed
of condition which
are related
to tension. While increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure and high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
burden are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential causes, reducing workplace strain and managing finances tends to
be suggested
solutions.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
individuals
are employed
in places where there is massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load and longer working hours.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in offices and demanding areas of the economy
are subjected
to intense pressure which has a long term effect on their health.
For instance
, working in grocery shops and hospitals where employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up and down to satisfy clients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them no time to go for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
ups even if they are not feeling well which can lead to sickness like hypertension.
In addition
, high standard of living in various countries accompanied by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
burden may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ailments
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer hours nonetheless earn low income which cannot satisfy all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
needs. To elaborate, bills and taxes consume a significant portion of income earned leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with less money to cater for themselves and family. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
result in mental instability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put in much effort to satisfy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
needs.

Reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure and managing expenses are both essential to thwart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress-
related ailments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to acknowledge that working at a comfortable pace and consulting experts on income management may
effectively
decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
thereby avoiding ailments.
For example
, responsibilities may
be delegated
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
needs prioritize to minimize tension which encourages a sound mind.
Therefore
, in order to curb ill-health associated with strains,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
loads and manage finances.

To sum up, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming sick due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. It is necessary to share duties and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down expenses in order to avoid ill-health due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
loads and inability to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
burdens.
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IELTS essay stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this. What solutions can you suggest.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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