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Some people think that the development of technology helps to reduce crime, while other people think that it encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that the development of technology helps to reduce crime, while other people think that it encourages crime. v. 2
Some would argue that with the latest innovations in technology a significant reduction in crime rate is observed because of high surveillance, whiles others says that this technology is responsible for an increase in cyber-crime. While a negligible number of criminals do offenses using this technology, I believe that there are enormous ways in which technology enables law and enforcement agencies to overcome the crime rate. On the one hand, on internet offenders make fake identities. These people are involved in identity theft and making transactions from the respective credit or visa cards. It is difficult to judge whether these are fake or real, these scammers are all over the world and use to loot innocent people. For example, UK Police reported a case in 2017 about online money theft, in which criminal made id associated with the international company’s website and they trap people from the world over. However, I believe that some crucial initiatives have been taken to overcome these situations such as there is a list which mentions about those groups and an alert that individuals must make sure before using credit cards online. On the other hand, CCTV camera surveillance aids in monitoring each and every corner of the place. These cameras are installed in several spaces and monitored properly which aids in either catching red-handed or identification of criminals which was not possible without this technology. For example, in all over the world street crimes like kidnapping and mobile snatching were common thus there was no clue to catch criminals but in 2018 there is 25% reduction in crime is noted. I believe that without the invention of technology people will not feel safe about their lives and belongings and living a terrifying life. To conclude, although there are some criminals who use technology in several crimes but on the whole invention of technology aids in controlling crime rate because of several devices and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that with the latest innovations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
a significant reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
is observed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high surveillance, whiles others says that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is responsible for an increase in cyber-crime. While a negligible number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
do offenses using this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, I believe that there are enormous ways in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
enables law and enforcement agencies to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

On the one hand, on internet offenders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fake identities. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
in identity theft and making transactions from the respective credit or visa cards. It is difficult to judge whether these are fake or real, these scammers are all over the world and
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
loot innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, UK Police reported a case in 2017 about online money theft, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
made id associated with the international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
website and
they trap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the world over.
However
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial initiatives have
been taken
to overcome these situations such as there is a list which
Did you mean simply "mentions those"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mentions about those
groups and an alert that individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
using credit cards online.

On the other hand
, CCTV camera surveillance aids in monitoring each and every corner of the place. These cameras
are installed
in several spaces and monitored
properly
which aids in either catching red-handed or identification of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
which was not possible without this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For example
, in all over the world street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like kidnapping and mobile snatching were common
thus
there was no clue to catch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2018 there is 25% reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is noted
. I believe that without the invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not feel safe about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and belongings and living a terrifying life.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the whole
invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
aids in controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several devices and
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people think that the development of technology helps to reduce crime, while other people think that it encourages crime. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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