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The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? Use examples and details in your answer. v.2

The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? Use examples and details in your answer. v. 2
Man, through the ages, has undergone many changes from the time when he depicted a herd of mammoths on the walls of his cave to these days when he can create beautiful pictures and even make coffee by use of computer technologies without leaving his favorite chair. The 20th century made huge steps in developing computer technologies and reached many goals that made our life much easier. What should we expect in the 21st century? First of all, I think that the pace of our life will speed up: we will move faster from one place to another, from one continent to another using high speed jet airplanes. Second of all, I believe that we will be able to do many things that take much time now without leaving our house. Computers will be everywhere including out clothes. Many people will have chips and mini computers inserted in their heads to hold huge amount of information and have a quick access to it. But what will be the most amazing thing in the 21st century is the flights to the outer space and Mars that will be available to all people. Scientists say that Mars has many things similar to the Earth's. Moreover, they say that with the help of modern technology people can artificially create conditions that will allow people to live there on the constant basis. To sum up, I am sure that many amazing changes will be brought by the 21st century. Furthermore, I think that with the help of the contemporary technologies people can do many things that were even difficult to imagine a century ago. So, nowadays it is rather difficult and even impossible to imagine all changes that will happen in the next decades.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
, through the ages, has undergone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
from the time when he depicted a herd of mammoths on the walls of his cave to these days when he can create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
pictures and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
coffee by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
without leaving his favorite chair. The 20th century made huge steps in developing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and reached
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
goals that made our life much easier. What should we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
in the 21st century?

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the pace of our life will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
: we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
faster from one place to another, from one continent to another using high speed jet airplanes. Second of all, I believe that we will be able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that take much time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
without leaving our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Computers will be everywhere including out clothes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have chips and mini computers inserted in their heads to hold huge amount of information and have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "quick access".
a quick access
to it.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what will be the most amazing thing in the 21st century is the flights to the outer space and Mars that will be available to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Scientists say that Mars has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things similar to the Earth's.
Moreover
, they say that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
artificially
create conditions that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there on the constant basis.

To sum up, I am sure that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
amazing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
will
be brought
by the 21st century.
Furthermore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that were even difficult to imagine a century ago.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, nowadays it is
rather
difficult and even impossible to imagine all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that will happen in the
next
decades.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? Use examples and details in your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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