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Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest v.1

People are getting more and more sick as a result of stress. This essay will discuss the main causes of stress-related sicknesses including failure and financial problems. This essay will also suggest solutions to these problems including improve success and managing finance. In order to earn a lot money, people want to be successful. Because it is known that most of things depend on the money. On top of that people care that what others think about their career. For example people are aiming to reach high status in their job and also they desire to increase their salary so that living a better life. This often result in mental and physical suffering. Because they are pushing themselves into risk which can be stressful. In order to reduce effect of stress, limiting success and controlling financial situation is highly important. Because when people can not make something well which is really hard to achieve for them then they start to worry and that is causing stress. But if they do what they can handle they feel comfortable. On the other hand if people have enough money for their living expenses they do not think much while they are purchasing what they want. Therefore, In order to reduce life stress people must control their living expenses and career expectations. In conclusion, there is a growing number of people suffering from stress-related problem. This essay discussed how stress is often caused by failure and earning less money. This essay also suggested that the solutions to this problem are twofold: limiting their success and controlling their living expenses.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are getting more and more sick
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will discuss the main causes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related sicknesses including failure and financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
also
suggest solutions to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
success and managing finance.

In order to earn a lot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be successful.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it
is known
that
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the things") or simply say "most things".
most of things
depend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
On top of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care that what others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their career.
For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aiming to reach high status in their job and
also
they desire to increase their salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
a better life. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
result in mental and physical suffering.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they are pushing themselves into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
which can be stressful.

In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, limiting success and controlling financial situation is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
something well which is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve for them then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to worry and
that is
causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if they do what they can handle they feel comfortable.
On the other hand
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenses they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
much while they are purchasing what they want.
Therefore
, In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenses and career expectations.

In conclusion
, there is a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
caused by failure and earning less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
also
suggested that the solutions to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
are twofold: limiting their success and controlling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenses.
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IELTS essay Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. what do you think are the causes of this? what solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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