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Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it? v.4

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it? v. 4
The strain has become a crucial problem in most nations around the globe. Although, there are several inevitable factors for this vogue, still, it can be controlled by many natural ways. In this essay we will discuss two main elements responsible for this problem and will mention two ways to pacify this Why anxiety is becoming dominant over the majority population? The first most reason is, the task burden on existing employees because of lack of enough required workers on the working platform. This creates a severe burden on limited skilled community to accomplish a task within a defined time frame. A survey of HR department of IIM, India mentions that for every ten vacancies raised in the employment market, only five suitable contenders are available. Secondly, increasing competition among our and next generation, to achieve a particular goal is humongous. To illustrate, because of the immense pressure of studies in schools, most students suffer from mental stress. So, work pressure and intensified competition become two prominent factors of straining the majority population around the world. Even though, avoiding such worries have become inescapable, however, there are few phenomenon which can help us getting a relief from this catastrophe. With increasing personal and professional responsibilities, it becomes paramount to follow a job-life balance by an individual, in order to ensure that he performs all the tasks effectively without getting exhausted. Additionally, another salient feature is to follow a healthy lifestyle, so as to make yourself fit to such overstretched environment. A study by human psychology department of New York states that if people pursue a healthy regime, then they become 35% more tolerant to stressed routine than those who do not do this. Hence, task life balance and a healthy lifestyle could be ways to reduce the strain from mankind. To recapitulate, having mulled over above stated information, and deliberating all the facts, it can be deducted that, growing stress in modern society because of tension from jobs and contention among people has become a major issue. Unless, we do not maintain proper balance in our lives and follow a healthy living, we cannot surpass this. After all, a healthy mind stays in a healthy body.
The strain has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a crucial problem in most nations around the globe. Although, there are several inevitable factors for this vogue,
still
, it can
be controlled
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
natural ways. In this essay we will discuss two main elements responsible for this problem and will mention two ways to pacify
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
this


Why anxiety is becoming dominant over the majority population? The
first
most reason is, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
burden on existing employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
required workers on the working platform. This creates a severe burden on limited skilled community to accomplish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
within a defined time frame. A survey of HR department of IIM, India mentions that for every ten vacancies raised in the employment market,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
five suitable contenders are available.
Secondly
, increasing competition among our and
next
generation, to achieve a particular goal is humongous. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the immense pressure of studies in schools, most students suffer from mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, work pressure and intensified competition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
two prominent factors of straining the majority population around the world.

Even though
, avoiding such worries have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
inescapable,
however
, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun phenomenon seems to be countable; consider using: "few phenomena", "few phenomenons".
few phenomenon
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
The verb 'phenomenon' is used with an infinitive: "to get" or "get".
getting
a relief from this catastrophe. With increasing personal and professional responsibilities, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
paramount to follow a job-life balance by an individual, in order to ensure that he performs all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
effectively
without getting exhausted.
Additionally
, another salient feature is to follow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
yourself fit to such overstretched environment. A study by human psychology department of New York states that if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
regime, then they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
35% more tolerant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
routine than those who do not do this.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
life balance and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle could be ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the strain from mankind.

To recapitulate, having mulled over above stated information, and deliberating all the facts, it can
be deducted
that, growing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in modern society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of tension from jobs and contention among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a major issue. Unless, we do not maintain proper balance in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and follow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living, we cannot surpass this.
After all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
mind stays in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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