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Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services? v.1

Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services? v. 1
Education and health are two basic things, which are an essential part of every nation. However, education and healthcare are free of charge, which should be funded by government while it is also the responsibilities of the people to pay for these services. In this essay, I will explain both the sides of view with duly argument and based on I will derive a conclusion. On the first side, education and healthcare should be free of charge and also it is responsibilities of government. First of all, lots of people are living under poverty range who are not able to pay for these basic services. For instance, according to serve of times of India, more than 30% people who are not able to pay for basic thing in Africa. Although united nation also decided to succour this country. Secondly, It is also useful to augment education rate in the nations. For example, Germany is one of developed countries where the cost of education is free and also rate of education is more than 90% which is highest in all around the worlds. On the second side, It is also responsibilities of laymen to pay for these mandatory services. Firstly, there are lots of medical services such as lung cancer, heart disease, bone cancer, which treatment is very expensive and also government can not able to help for these services. Secondly, higher studies such as medical and engineering field which is too costly and also government cannot afford this extreme cost. To conclude that, this essay has both the sides of view. However, I deem that government should work prudently and take serve with people who live under poverty range and should give service to those.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
and health are two basic things, which are an essential part of every nation.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and healthcare are free of charge, which should
be funded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
while it is
also
the responsibilities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
of view with
duly
argument and based on I will derive a conclusion.

On the
first
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and healthcare should be free of charge and
also
it is responsibilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living under poverty range who are not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for these basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
For instance
, according to serve of times of India, more than 30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for basic thing in Africa.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
united nation
also
decided to
Possible spelling mistake found.
succour
this country.
Secondly
, It is
also
useful to augment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rate in the nations.
For example
, Germany is one of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
where the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is free and
also
rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is more than 90% which is highest in all around the worlds.

On the second side, It is
also
responsibilities of laymen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for these mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Firstly
, there are lots of medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
such as lung cancer, heart disease, bone cancer, which treatment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Secondly
, higher studies such as medical and engineering field which is too costly and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot afford this extreme cost.

To conclude
that, this essay has both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
of view.
However
, I deem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should work
prudently
and take serve with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under poverty range and should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
to those.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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