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Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it? v.1

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it? v. 1
A significant population of the world is affected by stress. This essay will discuss main reasons and feasible solution to tackle this problem. In this modern era, people are unable to balance their work and life which increases pressure in their personal and professional life. They have a hectic schedule and do not get time to involve in the physical activity to keep them fit. This leads to unhealthy body and mind which create stress and depression. Moreover, increase in congestion on roads is mentally tiring. For example, an IT professional who has to work till late hours in office is unable to manage his personal life and sedentary lifestyle attracts many cardiovascular diseases. As a result, he gets stressed. However, this problem can be solved by the intervention of corporate and government. Companies should give flexi-work hours and work from home option to employees and consider them as a valuable asset rather than just taking work out of them. This will lead to work-life balance. Further, government should invest in the development of more sports center, where people can spend time in playing games and other activities. For example, a working professional can save time by following a flexi policy and can use it in doing exercise, playing games and socializing which will make him mentally and physically stress free. This will affect his overall health and make him happy. To conclude, although the problem of stress has become major due to work-life imbalance, the responsibility to tackle it, lies in the hands of corporate and government by giving them flexi working and providing space to do physical activities.
A significant population of the world is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This essay will discuss main reasons and feasible solution to tackle this problem.

In this modern era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unable to balance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life which increases pressure in their personal and professional life. They have a hectic schedule and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to involve in the physical activity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them fit. This leads to unhealthy body and mind which create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and depression.
Moreover
, increase in congestion on roads is mentally tiring.
For example
, an IT professional who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
till late hours in office is unable to manage his personal life and sedentary lifestyle attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cardiovascular diseases.
As a result
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.

However
, this problem can
be solved
by the intervention of corporate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
should give
Possible spelling mistake found.
flexi-work
hours and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home option to employees and consider them as a valuable asset
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out of them. This will lead to work-life balance.
Further
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest in the development of more sports center, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can spend time in playing games and other activities.
For example
, a working professional can save time by following a
Possible spelling mistake found.
flexi
policy and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in doing exercise, playing games and socializing which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him mentally and
physically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
free. This will affect his
overall
health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him happy.

To conclude
, although the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
has become major due to work-life imbalance, the responsibility to tackle it, lies in the hands of corporate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by giving them
Possible spelling mistake found.
flexi
working and providing space to do physical activities.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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