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Stress is a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the fact in modern society that causes the stress and can reduce it. v.1

Stress is a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the fact in modern society that causes the stress and can reduce it. v. 1
It is believed by some people that stress is a crucial problem in a large number of countries around the world. This essay argues that stress is incline and it is decreased. I will explain of stress buster causes and solutions in this subsequent paragraph. To begin with, working more and more with all the individuals because the masses want to earn wages so they do job throughout the day though they are stressed of part point job. For instance, in India people do struggle for their own bread and butter. Therefore, they do not spend time with their family members. If their babies are bigger than they are facing many hassles even though that time, it is a duty for all parents to give their juvenile all luxurious and happiness also provide a superior literary as the populace is getting an additional wealth, but when they perform further their health is not rational and they suffer from many diseases such as illnesses, headache. Furthermore, spending all of the space with their family members, because when a person spends their enough point with family, then they feel fresher and they become happy, which past the masses are not thinking about the industry so that they do not stressed despite they always stay healthy. Thereafter, people make their struggle only in the office to justify if they do job at home, their relationships have destroyed not only office endeavour, but also they will stay under pressure at home which results in their cognitive not trial properly. For example, in Canada populace do industry further, but at home they get feel fresh. In conclusion, it is suggested by some of us that the most significant thing for individuals being stressed. In fact, people only do to be sufficient task.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is a crucial problem in
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
countries around the world. This essay argues that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is incline and it
is decreased
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster causes and solutions in this subsequent paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, working more and more with all the individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the masses want to earn wages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do job throughout the day though they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
of part point job.
For instance
, in India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do struggle for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bread and butter.
Therefore
, they do not spend time with their family members. If their babies are bigger than they are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hassles
even though
that time, it is a duty for all parents to give their juvenile all luxurious and happiness
also
provide a superior literary as the populace is getting an additional wealth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when they perform
further
their health is not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rational and
they suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases such as illnesses, headache.

Furthermore
, spending
Consider using "all the".
all of the
space with their family members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when a person spends their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
point with family, then they feel
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fresher and
they become happy, which past the masses are not thinking about the industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
despite they always stay healthy. Thereafter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their struggle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the office to justify if they do job at home, their relationships have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
office
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they will stay under pressure at home which results in their cognitive not trial
properly
.
For example
, in Canada populace do industry
further
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at home they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
feel fresh.

In conclusion
, it
is suggested
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us that the most significant thing for individuals being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do to be sufficient task.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Stress is a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the fact in modern society that causes the stress and can reduce it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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