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These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.9

These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 9
In the present days It is common for people to job from house, because of advances in technology. In the technological world a noteworthy people have their own computer and cell phones. However, working at home has more negative impacts than positive. On the one hand, one advantage of working at home is the freedom it provides. When people work at a house they can do anything due to they have no work stress. This is illustrated by a freelancer who work at home and he or she has not oppress for their job as well as they can enjoy with their family members. To put it another way, people are able to save their valuable time by doing jobs at home and they do not need to go there office. Furthermore, currently people can join overseas, many work sectors because of advances in technology. On the other hand, despite this positive factor. However, there is a multitude of drawbacks. The first of this is the fact that those who work at home nearly all the time will not be meeting with colleagues. Repercussion, an employee is likely to be alone most of the time. This may lead to feelings of loneliness due to a lack of interaction. Nevertheless, when people work at the office they will always be surrounded by others. Another strength is affected several health problems when an employee's performance in homes due to long time sits in front of the computer. A good illustration of this is waist problem. An acceptable inconvenience is less influence in the company because they do not attend there. To conclude, this essay explored some pros and cons related to working from the house. I am convinced that weaknesses of working at homes outweigh strengths
In the present days It is common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to job from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advances in technology. In the technological world a noteworthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
computer and cell phones.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

On the one hand, one advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home is the freedom it provides.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
they can do anything due to they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This
is illustrated
by a freelancer who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
he or she has not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "oppressed".
oppress
for their job
as well
as they can enjoy with their family members. To put it another way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to save their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by doing jobs at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
they do not need to go there office.
Furthermore
,
currently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
overseas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
sectors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advances in technology.

On the other hand
, despite this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
factor.
However
, there is a multitude of drawbacks. The
first
of this is the fact that those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home
nearly
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will not be meeting with colleagues. Repercussion, an employee is likely to be alone most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This may lead to feelings of loneliness due to a lack of interaction.
Nevertheless
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at the office they will always
be surrounded
by others. Another strength is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
several health problems when an employee's performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
due to long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sits in front of the computer. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is waist problem. An acceptable inconvenience is less influence in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not attend there.

To conclude
, this essay explored
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros and cons related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. I
am convinced
that weaknesses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
outweigh
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
strengths
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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