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In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in large cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in large cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
In the past decades, the involvement of the adolescent in the crimes increasing significantly in the urban areas. I personally believe that the unfair distribution of job among people and indulging in bad activities are the major causes of it. However, if the authority creates vacancies, held a seminar pertaining to job skills and make a strict legislation against criminal will consider to be an effective solution. On the one hand, everyone knows that to secure a work place is becoming difficult day by day and if one has not contain some qualities, then, it does not obtain an appointment. This leads him to commit a crime to fulfil his needs. For instance, a recent study, revealed that, whenever a young generation entails money to complete their desires, then they do any type of criminal activities. As a repercussion, they put their parents into a difficult situation. Furthermore, at the young age, they indulge in drugs and if they do not have enough money, then they snatch it from the public or sometimes, they have also used a gun for this purpose. Similarly, some adolescent also adopt this wrong path to become a billionaire in a short amount of time. On the other hand, if governments think about this problem, they cannot only provide vacancies, but also form a feasible solution. Firstly, they conduct a job fair for the graduate which involves them in a useful work. Secondly, increase the police officer in the crowded place to overcome this issue. Finally, use the latest technology to catch thieves and aware the community about the strict punishment. To conclude, adolescents commit more crimes as compared to the other age groups. As they do not have a proper workplace to support them and their families. So they do these things in order to fulfil their desires. But, the government can play an indispensable role to control it.
In the past decades, the involvement of the adolescent in the crimes increasing
significantly
in the urban areas. I
personally
believe that the unfair distribution of job among
people
and indulging in
bad
activities are the major causes of it.
However
, if the authority creates vacancies, held a seminar pertaining to job
skills
and
make
a strict legislation against criminal will consider to be an effective solution.

On the one hand, everyone knows that to secure a work place is becoming difficult day by day and if one has not
contain
some
qualities, then, it does not obtain an appointment. This leads him to commit a crime to fulfil his needs.
For instance
, a recent study, revealed that, whenever a young generation entails money to complete their desires, then they do any type of criminal activities. As a repercussion, they put their parents into a difficult situation.
Furthermore
, at the young age, they indulge in drugs and if they do not have
enough
money, then they snatch it from the public or
sometimes
, they have
also
used
a gun for this purpose.
Similarly
,
some
adolescent
also
adopt this
wrong
path to become a billionaire in a short amount of time.

On the other hand
, if
governments
think
about this problem, they cannot
only
provide vacancies,
but
also
form a feasible solution.
Firstly
, they conduct a job
fair
for the graduate which involves them in a useful work.
Secondly
, increase the police officer in the crowded place to overcome this issue.
Finally
,
use
the latest technology to catch thieves and aware the community about the strict punishment.

To conclude
, adolescents commit more crimes as compared to the other age groups. As they do not have a proper workplace to support them and their families.
So
they do these things in order to fulfil their desires.
But
, the
government
can play an indispensable role to control it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in large cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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