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Sports events get the nations together and help alleviate the violence in the world. v.1

Sports events get the nations together and help alleviate the violence in the world. v. 1
Human is a social being. However, in the recent years, owing to terrorism and increment in the violence, characteristic of human as a friendly species is transforming. Some people believe that similar to ancient times, even today sports events extenuate the global riots and assist in maintaining the harmony. I believe, it is true and it must flourish across the globe. To begin with, worldwide game events redirect the focus of every nation towards the preparation of the event. As a result, the global show off of supremacy is alleviated. It can be confirmed by the recent world cup event whereby, total worldwide violence was reduced to 10%. Thus, on account of these statistics, it is evident that global game events are propitious to the world. In addition, due to sport, majority of the nations cross borders and play with each other, which sometimes pave the way for negotiations among the nations and impart the impetus to a mutual agreement. For instance, in the recent cricket tournament, the Prime Minister of India and Pakistan had inked an agglomeration to fight against terrorism. Evidently, prominence of game events in mitigating the global issues cannot be neglected. Sports events are friendly competitions that bring the sportsmen and the nations together.   A major victory in a large completion has proven to reduce the international tension and difference. Many times these short of winning lessen the internal political issues a country has. When sports events get popular, young people get attracted to participate in sports rather than doing crime activities. From this point of view, sports play a great role to bring nations together and reduce the crime and violence. To sum up, similar to ancient times game events still play a vital role in stamping out global harmony, as it is an opportunity for nations to divert the focus from violence to such events.
Human is a social being.
However
, in the recent years, owing to terrorism and increment in the violence, characteristic of human as a friendly species is transforming.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that similar to ancient times, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
extenuate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
riots and assist in maintaining the harmony. I believe, it is true and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
flourish across the globe.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, worldwide game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
redirect the focus of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
towards the preparation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off of supremacy
is alleviated
. It can
be confirmed
by the recent world cup
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
whereby, total worldwide violence was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 10%.
Thus
, on account of these statistics, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are propitious to the world.

In addition
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
cross borders and play with each other, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
pave the way for negotiations among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and impart the impetus to a mutual agreement.
For instance
, in the recent cricket tournament, the Prime Minister of India and Pakistan had inked an agglomeration to fight against terrorism.
Evidently
, prominence of game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in mitigating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
issues cannot
be neglected
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are friendly competitions that bring the sportsmen and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
together.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
A major victory in a large completion has proven to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the international tension and difference.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
times these short of winning lessen the internal political issues a country has. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
popular, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
rather
than doing crime activities. From this point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play a great role to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the crime and violence.

To sum up, similar to ancient times game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
still
play a vital role in stamping out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
harmony, as it is an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to divert the focus from violence to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Sports events get the nations together and help alleviate the violence in the world. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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