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The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v.6

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v. 6
Nowadays, youngsters are engaging in delinquent activities, which cause pressure in the society. It can be ascribed to the lack of parental supervision and the negative influences of peers. However, this social problem can be tackled by the employers and parents. Primarily, is it often said that youngsters may opt to negative vices if parents do not monitor their activities. Evidently, there are parents who have a hectic schedule in their workplace, thus neglecting the responsibilities to their children. Because of inadequate guidance, these youngsters socialise with other people in the society. For instance, in school, children develop a relationship with their friends as it is considered their second home. A group of friends shares the same habits and passions such as venturing to illegal substances and criminal behaviours. It might be their way to retaliate to their parents, who do not spend time with them. These children may eel resentment due to the fact that they might have the feeling of being unloved and unwanted. Therefore, they will perform nefarious actions such that they will gain the attention of their parents, and make them regretful for being preoccupied to their employment. However, it can never be denied that this social dilemma can be addressed by the parents and the employers. First of all, parents can give more attention to their children by having a weekly family outing to different places. For example, they could eat together in a luxurious restaurant or watch a movie in order to regain the aloof relationship. These parents can show to their children that they are important despite their busy schedule. Secondly, employers can curtail the employment hours of those employees who have children. As a result, these workers can spend more time with their children. To conclude, there is an escalation of crimes conducted by youngsters, who have a lacking in supervision from their parents. Nevertheless, it is apparent that managers can help those employees, who have children, to allocate more time to their family. It is very likely that frequent family bonding can eradicate the negative behaviours of their children.
Nowadays, youngsters are engaging in delinquent activities, which cause pressure in the society. It can
be ascribed
to the lack of parental supervision and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences of peers.
However
, this social problem can
be tackled
by the employers and parents.

Primarily
, is it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that youngsters may opt to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
vices if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not monitor their activities.
Evidently
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a hectic schedule in their workplace,
thus
neglecting the responsibilities to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of inadequate guidance, these youngsters
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the society.
For instance
, in school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop a relationship with their friends as it
is considered
their second home. A group of friends shares the same habits and passions such as venturing to illegal substances and criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. It might be their way to retaliate to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not spend time with them. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may eel resentment due to the fact that they might have the feeling of
being unloved
and unwanted.
Therefore
, they will perform nefarious actions such that they will gain the attention of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them regretful for
being preoccupied
to their employment.

However
, it can never
be denied
that this social dilemma can
be addressed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the employers.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can give more attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by having a weekly family outing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places.
For example
, they could eat together in a luxurious restaurant or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie in order to regain the aloof relationship. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
despite their busy schedule.
Secondly
, employers can curtail the employment hours of those employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, these workers can spend more time with their children.

To conclude
, there is an escalation of crimes conducted by youngsters,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a lacking in supervision from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Nevertheless
, it is apparent that managers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those employees,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, to allocate more time to their family. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely that frequent family bonding can eradicate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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