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Sport becomes a business with a high income for professionals and more companies are involved in financial and in other ways. It is a positive or negative development? v.1

Sport becomes a business with a high income for professionals and more companies are involved in financial and in other ways. It is a positive or negative development? v. 1
Nowadays, the business of sport has been receiving a great deal of public attention. In my opinion, although this trend is not without positive perspectives, i do suppose that the downsides will be far more significant. There are a number of advantages when sport is a job creator and a big-league economic driver. First, since both professionals and companies can reap tangible benefits, the business of sports is a win-win strategy. In fact, on the one hand, the business of sport allows players to make a killing on endorsements or non-official makers, vice versa, companies also earn a big amount of profits thanks to entrance fees, advertisements and other services. Second, by galvanizing companies to finance in this industry, the government can release itself from burden of national budget. This means that individual companies will replace government duties in investment and development of the sport sector, both in term of facilities and infrastructure, saving a great deal of the national budget, which in turn will be harnessed in other key areas for the purpose of the sustainable development. Nevertheless, this trend could lead to some negative impacts. First, since sponsors often offer unhealthy policies to benefit themselves, they can make sport matches not transparent. For instance, private companies might resort to sports fraud in order to reap economic and political benefits, which is unfair to both players and audiences. Second, it is a good chance that athletics are prone to serious crisis, like bone fracture or head trauma, if they are required to play too many non-official matches, which potentially shortens their lifespan of careers. In conclusion, the negative implications of this trend are far more significant. By considering all the pros and cons, the government can find the best approaches to prevent such companies from crossing the line.
Nowadays, the business of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has been receiving a great deal of public attention. In my opinion, although this trend is not without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
perspectives,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
do suppose that the downsides will be far more significant.

There are a number of advantages when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a job creator and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
-league economic driver.
First
, since both professionals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can reap tangible benefits, the business of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a win-win strategy. In fact, on the one hand, the business of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
players to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a killing on endorsements or non-official makers, vice versa,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
also
earn a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of profits thanks to entrance fees, advertisements and other services. Second, by galvanizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to finance in this industry, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can release itself from burden of national budget. This means that individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will replace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
duties in investment and development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
sector, both in term of facilities and infrastructure, saving a great deal of the national budget, which in turn will
be harnessed
in other key areas for the purpose of the sustainable development.

Nevertheless
, this trend could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
First
, since sponsors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
offer unhealthy policies to benefit themselves, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
matches not transparent.
For instance
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
might resort to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
fraud in order to reap economic and political benefits, which is unfair to both players and audiences. Second, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance that athletics are prone to serious crisis, like bone fracture or head trauma, if they
are required
to play too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
non-official matches, which
potentially
shortens their lifespan of careers.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications of this trend are far more significant. By considering all the pros and cons, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can find the best approaches to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
from crossing the line.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Sport becomes a business with a high income for professionals and more companies are involved in financial and in other ways. It is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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