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Governments prohibiting the underage children for getting full-time jobs in certain countries. do you agree or disagree. v.2

Governments prohibiting the underage children for getting full-time jobs in certain countries. v. 2
It is irrefutable to say that children are the future of the nation and if they started job early without high skills and maturity. then the nation's future gets in a dangerous direction. So, Government bans the underage children for getting full-time employment or jobs in some countries. I am totally agree with the statement. My inclination to the statement justified in the following paragraphs. There are so many good reasons for prohibiting the underage children for getting full-time employment. Firstly, growth issue. If children get a permanent job with small qualification. After some years, the growth or promotion chance will be less because of qualification constraints. Although, children won't not enhanced it. Example as if a children work as a labourer in a factory, but they will not become a manager of the company because of qualification issue and changing skill. On the other hand, children age to learn and get the skill. By this I believe that children do study and go to school and university. So, if they get a permanent job, it's not easy for him to get further study. Thus, children to get some experience for the job and then proceed to further study which makes it life brighter. The small job detrimental the child's life. The growth of the nation which not increase as expected and economics of the country could be low. And last it is difficult to survive this type of jobs. I am totally agree with the government step to banning the underage children to get permanent jobs.
It is irrefutable to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the future of the nation and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
early without high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and maturity.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
then
the nation's future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
direction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
bans the underage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for getting full-time employment or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with the statement. My inclination to the statement justified in the following paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons for prohibiting the underage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for getting full-time employment.
Firstly
, growth issue.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
qualification. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years, the growth or promotion chance will be less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of qualification constraints.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You used a negation after a negated contracted verb. Did you mean simply "won't"?
won't not
The verb 'won't' requires base form of this verb: "enhance"
enhanced
it. Example as if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
work as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourer
in a factory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will not become a manager of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of qualification issue and changing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
age to learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. By this I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do study and go to school and university.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it's not easy for him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
further
study.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and then proceed to
further
study which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it life brighter. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
detrimental the child's life. The growth of the nation which not increase as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
and economics of the country could be low. And last it is difficult to survive this type of jobs.

I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
step to banning the underage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Governments prohibiting the underage children for getting full-time jobs in certain countries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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