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Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. v.1

Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. v. 1
It goes without saying that everyone wants to make the world a better place. Some people think that the government should spend as much money as possible to develop or purchase machine technology. On the other hand, some people think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Despite all these, I think our legislature should spend our tax dollars on more fundamental items before it gets into the business of developing network technology. Remembering the pyramid of needs, is it true that people could be better if they met their basic needs? The government should spend money, which actually belongs to the people to meet their main needs, rather than the government thinks it is better. Since everyone has different needs, buying or improving technology can't make everyone happy. Nevertheless, so very comprehensive are the main needs, such everyone wants to meet these key needs. This is the right of the people to the government to spend money because these governments only manage it. As you know, many poor people have to live in the worst conditions of a country. Some people have to stayed in slums or places where they don't live. In addition, some children cannot go to school, or they have to travel very far to reach school. I think the government should donate some money to develop their lives. it is commonly believed that hunger is a big problem in the world. People die because food does not reach them and there is no correct national income distribution. For this reason, when the government begins to think about how to spend money, they should first consider meeting the hunger of their people to stop these deaths and improve the quality of life of their people. Although the government always says that health is suitable for everyone in its country, it is not entirely correct. Wealthy people get the best treatment in a country. Thus, there are not enough doctors and facilities, the right treatment or even a medical prescription won’t the poor usually got. In this way, the government should not only pay attention to people's food but should pay attention to safeguarding people's health. All things considered, it might safely be said that if the government invests as much
It goes without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a better place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as possible to develop or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
machine technology.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
on more basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Despite all these, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
our legislature should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
our tax dollars on more fundamental items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
into the business of developing network technology.

Remembering the pyramid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, is it true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be better if they met their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
? The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which actually belongs to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
,
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
it is better. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, buying or improving technology can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
happy.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comprehensive are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
these key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. This is the right of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
manage it. As you know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the worst conditions of a country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stayed in slums or places where they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children cannot go to school, or they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
far to reach school. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should donate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
commonly
believed that hunger is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem in the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
food does not reach them and there is no correct national income distribution.
For this reason
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they should
first
consider meeting the hunger of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
these deaths and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
always says that health is suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
in its country, it is not
entirely
correct. Wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best treatment in a country.
Thus
, there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
doctors and facilities, the right treatment or even a medical prescription won’t the poor
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
. In this way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should pay attention to safeguarding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health.

All things considered, it might
safely
be said
that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
invests as much
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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