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Sometimes mass media can negatively influence people. What are the effects of it, and how the situation can be improved? v.1

Sometimes mass media can negatively influence people. What are the effects of it, and how the situation can be improved? v. 1
Despite the fact that mass media has improved over the decades, it has an adverse influence on human beings. In these days, people use mass media for various purposes, such as information, entertainment and communication. In the following paragraphs, I will examine the consequences of this worrying trend and propose some solutions to mitigate the inclination. First and foremost, there are several impacts of the mass media. It is true that all types of media help people to become informed, stay in touch with friends and family members and make new friends. However, they can affect people detrimentally. Humans spend many hours watching television rather than doing other useful activities. It can lead to some health problems, such as increased risk of obesity and overweight. On the other hand, it can affect people emotionally. Social media can raise the levels of anxiety and stress. It can lead to depression if social media users do not get anything that they have expected. For example, if users cannot get likes or followers that they desire, they will be nervous and desperate. The solution is for the people themselves. They should schedule a particular time or limit themselves for using the media. Thus, their usage of social media can minimize. In addition, they should be mindful and cautious about things that they read or watch. Another measure could be considered that humans should use other types of mass media such as, newspaper, radio and magazines. These kinds are not as harmful as others. In conclusion, it is evident that there are some unfavourable effects and a variety of solutions for this issue. The individuals of society should take actions to prevent these hazardous results.
Despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
over the decades, it has an adverse influence on human beings. In these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
for various purposes, such as information, entertainment and communication. In the following paragraphs, I will examine the consequences of this worrying trend and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to mitigate the inclination.

First
and foremost, there are several impacts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. It is true that all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become informed, stay in touch with friends and family members and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends.
However
, they can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
detrimentally
. Humans spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours watching television
rather
than doing other useful activities. It can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems, such as increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity and overweight.
On the other hand
, it can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
emotionally
. Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can raise the levels of anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. It can lead to depression if social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
users do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anything that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
For example
, if users cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
likes or followers that they desire, they will be nervous and desperate.

The solution is for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves. They should schedule a particular time or limit themselves for using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Thus
, their usage of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can minimize.
In addition
, they should be mindful and cautious about things that they read or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. Another measure could
be considered
that humans should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as, newspaper, radio and magazines. These kinds are not as harmful as others.

In conclusion
, it is evident that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
effects and a variety of solutions for this issue. The individuals of society should take actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these hazardous results.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Sometimes mass media can negatively influence people. What are the effects of it, and how the situation can be improved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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