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Some people think the media – television and films – negatively affect people’s behaviour. Others do not think so. How do you think the media affects people’s behaviour? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Some people think the media – television and films – negatively affect people’s behaviour. Others do not think so. How do you think the media affects people’s behaviour? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Over the past decades, countless forms of media channels entailing television and films have burgeoned around the globe. While worldwide audiences are entertained by these productions, it is widely believed that the media has an overall negative impact to public behaviour. The aim of this essay is set to explore how the decadence of social behaviour is related to the media development. To begin with, it is intuitively obvious that the unmanaged context of the mass media has a significant role to play in shaping general behaviour. In fact, to tempt the audience, film producers often incorporate toxic components in the productions to cover the colossal investment. For instance, recent empirical research from the Blockbuster Committee ascertained that 90% top ranked films are classified as class III, whereby numerous improper scenes with sex and violent behaviour are blended. Seen in this light, the idea disseminated by these commercial film tends to be negative. Therefore, people who absorbed the ideology behind these media are likely to behave detrimentally in the society. Meanwhile, another pivotal component to remember is that the major audience of media are lied in the age group being highly susceptible to media content. What this means is that people who are at their formative ages tend to mimic the histrionics performed by their beloved celebrities to acquire a sense of identity. Having interviewed by the Juvenile Delinquency Bureau, 90% child criminals admitted that they learnt the skill of theft encompassing pilfering and burglary from television programmes. Consequently, the violent scenes shown in television has a high tendency to implant a message fostering crime in juniors In conclusion, media generally have begot a negative consequence on public behavioural cultivation due to the pervasive improper context embedded and susceptibility of immature audiences. Given the strength of these evidence, it is predicted that the government will enact any measures to censor the inappropriate factors in media productions in foreseeable future
Over the past decades, countless forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
channels entailing television and films have burgeoned around the globe. While worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audiences
are entertained
by these productions, it is
widely
believed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has an
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to public
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. The aim of this essay
is set
to explore how the decadence of social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is related
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
intuitively
obvious that the unmanaged context of the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has a significant role to play in shaping general
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In fact, to tempt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audience
, film producers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
incorporate toxic components in the productions to cover the colossal investment.
For instance
, recent empirical research from the Blockbuster Committee ascertained that 90% top ranked films
are classified
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
III, whereby numerous improper scenes with sex and violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are blended
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Seen
in this light, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
disseminated by these commercial film tends to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who absorbed the ideology behind these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are likely to behave
detrimentally
in the society.

Meanwhile, another pivotal component to remember is that the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audience
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are lied
in the age group being
highly
susceptible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
content. What this means is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are at their formative ages tend to mimic the histrionics performed by their beloved celebrities to acquire a sense of identity. Having interviewed by the Juvenile Delinquency Bureau, 90% child criminals admitted that they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of theft encompassing pilfering and burglary from television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
Consequently
, the violent scenes shown in television has a high tendency to implant a message fostering crime in juniors

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
generally
have begot a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequence on public
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
cultivation due to the pervasive improper context embedded and susceptibility of immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audiences
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the strength of these evidence, it
is predicted
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will enact any measures to censor the inappropriate factors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
productions in foreseeable
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
future
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the media – television and films – negatively affect people’s behaviour. Others do not think so. How do you think the media affects people’s behaviour? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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