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Someone suggests school to cut the Recycling. Do you agree or disagree with this suggestion, explain why. v.2

Someone suggests school to cut the Recycling. with this suggestion, explain why. v. 2
It is believed by a strata of society that the investment made in technological breakthroughs for doing research in space is not satisfactory, as there are other fields where this fund can be spent more wisely to reap more benefits. I opine differently and do not support the conjuncture hold by this group. The space exploration gives significant information about the planet and other objects in the Universe. Further, predictions related to weather are also associated with it. In the given essay, I will explain why it is indispensable to spend on this project. The atmosphere beyond the Earth is different and to search the various possibilities available in the Universe, it is vital to acquaint with it. This can only be possible by exploring it, for example, unlike the Earth, the other planets are made-up of gases, some are extremely cold and some are very hot, but can we gain benefit out of it or not? Therefore, it is expedient that we send shuttles such as the NASA agency has recently sent one shuttle to the Mars planet to understand the expectancy of life there. Undoubtedly, these researches required funding in billions, but to remain silent would be more fatal because we can not only gain the knowledge of resources and opportunities available in outer world, it can also make us aware about the possible threats. For instance, the satellites in the sky keep sending information and alerts to the scientists about the usual as well as unusual activities, which can make them aware in advance of any occurrence of any disaster events, which can be prevented by active approach. Although, it is undeniable that exorbitant amount is spent on such related projects, the benefits in terms of knowing the unknown are prominent. However, in relation to the budget allocation to the other sectors, it is the responsibility of the government that those areas should also get sufficient funds to flourish.
It
is believed
by
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a stratum" or simply "strata"?
a strata
of society that the investment made in technological breakthroughs for doing research in space is not satisfactory, as there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields where this fund can
be spent
more
wisely
to reap more benefits. I opine
differently
and do not support the conjuncture hold by this group. The space exploration gives significant information about the planet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
objects in the Universe.
Further
, predictions related to weather are
also
associated with it. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why it is indispensable to spend on this project.

The atmosphere beyond the Earth is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and to search the various possibilities available in the Universe, it is vital to acquaint with it. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be possible by exploring it,
for example
, unlike the Earth, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
planets
are made
-up of gases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can we gain benefit out of it or not?
Therefore
, it is expedient that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
shuttles such as the NASA agency has recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
one shuttle to the Mars planet to understand the expectancy of life there.

Undoubtedly
, these researches required funding in billions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to remain silent would be more fatal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gain the knowledge of resources and opportunities available in outer world, it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us aware about the possible threats.
For instance
, the satellites in the sky
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
sending information and alerts to the scientists about the usual
as well
as unusual activities, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware in advance of any occurrence of any disaster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by active approach.

Although, it is undeniable that exorbitant amount
is spent
on such related projects, the benefits in terms of knowing the unknown are prominent.
However
, in relation to the budget allocation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sectors, it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that those areas should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sufficient funds to flourish.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Someone suggests school to cut the Recycling. with this suggestion, explain why. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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