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All children should be required to learn a second language in school. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

All children should be required to learn a second language in school. v. 1
In the modern world, many people are struggling with health related problems, and they reckon to think that these challenges are mainly caused by poor eating habits and consuming a lot of junk food and ready meals. In this regard, some people tend to think that eating healthy is essential for the people. However, others feel that the main factor of being healthy is doing physical exercises. In this case, personally, I believe that a balanced diet is crucial for the citizens as well as for the athletes. On the one hand, it is true that nowadays, many people are willing to keep their shape fit. In this reason, it is critical to eat a proper food such as vegetables, fruits and vitamins. Moreover, avoiding unhealthy food such as processed or GM food is important for well-being. To illustrate, many athletes are not keen to consume such kinds of nutrients. In addition, eating the right amount of nutrition is equally essential for well-being, as consuming too many sugar and fat can lead to the obesity. On the other hand, it is not enough to eat healthy nutrients, the individuals should do physical exercises in order to maintain their soundness, as many dietitian and doctors are declaring that without such kinds of works, people cannot stay healthy. Furthermore, citizens should be active though the day, because the sedentary lifestyle is detrimental for the individuals. For instance, many people are not willing to do such kinds of activities, and some of them are office clerks. Accordingly, they are not able dedicate their time for working out. In conclusion, although many people reckon to think that the most important thing for the soundness is a balanced diet, other people believe that the physical activities are equally important for the well-being.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are struggling with health related problems, and they reckon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these challenges are
mainly
caused by poor eating habits and consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and ready meals. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
is essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, others feel that the main factor of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
is doing physical exercises.
In this case
,
personally
, I believe that a balanced diet is crucial for the citizens
as well
as for the athletes.

On the one hand, it is true that nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their shape fit. In this reason, it is critical to eat a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as vegetables, fruits and vitamins.
Moreover
, avoiding unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as processed or GM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for well-being. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
athletes are not keen to consume such kinds of nutrients.
In addition
, eating the right amount of nutrition is
equally
essential for well-being, as consuming too
Possible agreement error. The noun sugar seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much sugar", "a good deal of sugar".
many sugar
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
can lead to the obesity.

On the other hand
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nutrients, the individuals should do physical exercises in order to maintain their soundness, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dietitian and doctors are declaring that without such kinds of works,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Furthermore
, citizens should be active though the day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the sedentary lifestyle is detrimental for the individuals.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not willing to do such kinds of activities, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are office clerks.
Accordingly
, they are not
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'dedicate'.
able dedicate
their time for working out.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for the soundness is a balanced diet, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the physical activities are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the well-being.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay All children should be required to learn a second language in school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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