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Some young people leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to resolve this situation? v.2

Some young people leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to resolve this situation? v. 2
Nowadays, it is widely observed that youths are moving to big cities from rural areas, leaving the adults alone. This essay will focus on the vital reasons for this movement and suggest viable solutions to rectify this issue. A city is an area, in which a great number of people live close together, where job seekers could easily find opportunities over the countryside. In cities, there are numbers of hotels and other industries such as banks, harbour, airport and markets, hence Cities demand for more workers and professional because of the availabilities of the vacant positions. Therefore, there are more jobs opportunities in the cities than in other parts of the country. Besides, all major and affluent universities are located in or nearby a town, hence, teenagers after finishing their secondary education, are shifting to cities from the home towns to continue the education and subsequently, they could easily secure a job in the job market rather than going back to the native place. Despite there are many disadvantages, like traffic congestion, unhealthy life, of living in cities, people like to live in the capitals because guaranteed work. To mitigate this problem, the government or the authority of the local areas, should develop the rural areas into towns, facilitate them same as cities and create more job opportunities in rural areas where people can continue to live in their home while doing the jobs. For example, the authorities should encourage and help the families to uplift the rural economy by granting loans and technical advice to farmers. By doing so, more job will automatically be created. Therefore, the increasing trend towards cities from villages could be controlled. In summary, less job market in the countryside and the minimal government support to the villagers are the main problems for the youths to consider for city life. This can be resolved by balancing the economic development and the employment market between the major cities and remote regions.
Nowadays, it is
widely
observed that youths are moving to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, leaving the adults alone. This essay will focus on the vital reasons for this movement and suggest viable solutions to rectify this issue.

A city is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, in which a great number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
close together, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers could
easily
find opportunities over the countryside. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, there are numbers of hotels and other industries such as banks,
Possible spelling mistake. 'harbour' is British English.
harbour
, airport and markets,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cities
demand for more workers and professional
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the availabilities of the vacant positions.
Therefore
, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
opportunities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than in other parts of the country.
Besides
, all major and affluent universities
are located
in or nearby a town,
hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
after finishing their secondary education, are shifting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
from the home towns to continue the education and
subsequently
, they could
easily
secure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
rather
than going back to the native place. Despite there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages, like traffic congestion, unhealthy life, of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the capitals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
guaranteed work.

To mitigate this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or the authority of the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, should develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
into towns, facilitate them same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their home while doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
, the authorities should encourage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the families to uplift the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
economy by granting loans and technical advice to farmers. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
automatically
be created
.
Therefore
, the increasing trend towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
from villages could
be controlled
.

In summary, less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
in the countryside and the minimal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support to the villagers are the main problems for the youths to consider for city life. This can
be resolved
by balancing the economic development and the employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
between the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and remote regions.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young people leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to resolve this situation? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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