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Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities or towns, only old people live in the countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve this problem? v.1

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities or towns, only old people live in the countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1
Cities have more job opportunities and better facilities than rural areas, which are the main factors attracting young rural residents who choose to immigrate to cities to enjoy the urban lifestyle. This report will describe certain problems which caused by this phenomenon and provide some solutions. There are three main issues. Firstly, a growing urban population is keeping increase the pressure of resources and facilities, because the development of infrastructure could not match the requirement of the population rising, such as heavy traffic and a lack of education resources. Secondly, a lack of labour has limited rural development. When the young leave the countryside and older retried, many jobs have to face the recruitment problem, as a consequence, some local businesses and shops shut down. Lastly, the gap between rich and poor become bigger. This phenomenon would lead more problems, such as education levels are down and the crime rate is up. The problems need to be taken seriously by the government. First of all, the government should increase the rural infrastructure construction, such as roads, schools and hospitals. And then, it also issued new measurement to attract more investments, such as tax incentives and capital subsidies. All these policies could increase the standard of living and provide numerous jobs, as a result, it will make the local young people stay, even attract new labour from other regions. At the end, the urban population growth rate would fall and narrow the gap between rich and poor. In conclusion, the congestion of cities, rich and poor gap and rural development problems are the consequences of young people move to urban areas. Thus, only by developing the economy of rural places could solve the issues effectively.
Cities have more job opportunities and better facilities than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas, which are the main factors attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
residents who choose to immigrate to cities to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
lifestyle. This report will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which caused by this phenomenon and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

There are three main issues.
Firstly
, a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
population is keeping increase the pressure of resources and facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the development of infrastructure could not match the requirement of the population rising, such as heavy traffic and a lack of education resources.
Secondly
, a lack of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
has limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
development. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the countryside and older retried,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face the recruitment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, as a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
local businesses and shops shut down.
Lastly
, the gap between rich and poor become bigger. This phenomenon would lead more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, such as education levels are down and the crime rate is up.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
need to
be taken
seriously
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
infrastructure construction, such as roads, schools and hospitals. And then, it
also
issued new measurement to attract more investments, such as tax incentives and capital subsidies. All these policies could increase the standard of living and provide numerous jobs,
as a result
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
stay, even attract new
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
from other regions. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
population growth rate would fall and narrow the gap between rich and poor.

In conclusion
, the congestion of cities, rich and poor gap and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by developing the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
places could solve the issues
effectively
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities or towns, only old people live in the countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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