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advantages and disadvantages of living in an apartment and a house v.3

Choosing the best type of accommodation is a crucial step in an individual’s life. While a part of the population believes that living in a house is more beneficial for them, I personally think that there are more drawbacks to this when compared to living in an apartment. To begin with, there are some positives of living in a house and one of them is that they are usually much more spacious in contrast to apartments. This is because they are simply just built bigger in terms of square meters and often includes a backyard, driveway and garage which further adds upto the size of the residence. Conversely, apartments tend to be smaller and are absent from such amenities. Therefore, residents of a house usually feel much better about their living conditions. On the other hand, this peaceful environment of a house comes along with many negatives as well. First of all, houses are less secure when compared with apartments as it is easier for someone to climb over a fence or a wall and invade the premises. Furthermore, there are less opportunities to socialize with your neighbors when you live in a house because there are no common grounds for communication. For instance, if you live in an apartment, there is a greater possibility that you meet your neighbor in the elevator and start a conversation whereas this is impossible when you are living in a house. In conclusion, although there are some advantages of living in a house such as having more space, I feel the advantages are overcomed by the disadvantages which appear to be security issues and less opportunities to socialize.
Choosing the best type of accommodation is a crucial step in an individual’s life. While a part of the population believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is more beneficial for them, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are more drawbacks to this when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an apartment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
positives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
and one of them is that they are
usually
much more spacious
in contrast
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
built bigger in terms of square meters and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
includes a backyard, driveway and garage which
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
the size of the residence.
Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
tend to be smaller and are absent from such amenities.
Therefore
, residents of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
usually
feel much better about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions.

On the other hand
, this peaceful environment of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
negatives
as well
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
are less secure when compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
as it is easier for someone to climb over a fence or a wall and invade the premises.
Furthermore
, there are
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities to socialize with your neighbors when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are no common grounds for communication.
For instance
, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
, there is a greater possibility that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
your neighbor in the elevator and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a conversation whereas this is impossible when you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
such as having more space, I feel the advantages are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "overcame", the past tense form of the verb 'overcome'?
overcomed
by the disadvantages which appear to be security issues and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities to socialize.
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Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment! Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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