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Some young people are leaving countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve this problem? v.3

Some young people are leaving countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 3
In majority of remote and rural areas, the population is dominated by elders as it is common for young people to relocate to major cities and towns for work and study. This situation will be more significant owing to the aging society, causing issues such as the limited workforce and abandoned houses in the rural communities. This essay will explore the issues around the topic and provide some possible solutions. One of the significant problems, which is anticipated by the relocation of young people from their hometown to bigger cities including lack of workers in the rural areas. As there are more job opportunities with higher salaries in a metropolitan city, the most of young people choose to move out of their hometown. This may result in an economic stagnation and makes the local community less attractive to move in. In addition, there will be less people looking after the elderly, increasing abandoned houses after elderly passed away. Thus, there are many problems caused by this phenomenon. The government should implement some measurements to solve this issue as the movement of younger generation out of their hometown to the big cities not only cause above mentioned issues, but also contributes to overpopulation in the central areas. One way of tackling this issue is to invest funds in the local community and make it more attractive for younger generations to work and study. For example, building academic institutions and bringing major companies in the remote areas would persuade young people to remain in their hometown. To sum up, Relocation of young people from their hometown to major cities impact negatively on rural communities, decreasing the number of workforce and slowing down the economic growth. Unless some measurements are taken by the government, this issue will be more and more significant.
In
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majority of
remote and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, the population
is dominated
by elders as it is common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relocate to major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and towns for work and study. This situation will be more significant owing to the aging society, causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
such as the limited workforce and abandoned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. This essay will explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
around the topic and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions.

One of the significant problems, which
is anticipated
by the relocation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
to bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
including lack of workers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. As there are more job opportunities with higher salaries in a metropolitan city, the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
. This may result in an economic stagnation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
less attractive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in.
In addition
, there will be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
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people
looking after the elderly, increasing abandoned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
after elderly passed away.
Thus
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems caused by this phenomenon.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measurements to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
as the movement of younger generation out of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contributes to overpopulation in the central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. One way of tackling this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is to invest funds in the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more attractive for younger generations to work and study.
For example
, building academic institutions and bringing major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
would persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to remain in their hometown.

To sum up, Relocation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
to major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
impact
negatively
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
, decreasing the number of workforce and slowing down the economic growth. Unless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measurements
are taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
will be more and more significant.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young people are leaving countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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