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Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v.9

Nowadays, new generation people are living the town to experience the bustling city life, and living old people in the town. How to fix this situation and what are challenges cause by this issue. In this essay, I will explain my own perception about in this topic. As a new generation the main reason why young people living the countryside, because they want to try something new. Some young people leave there hometown for better opportunity in the city. Reducing the number of population in that town makes direct affect to economy. No more people who buy their products, and some farmer owners no one will continue their legacy. Population is vital in Economy this thing well helps to prosper the area, if numerous people living in that town. However some youth leave there hometown, for better work opportunity in the city. Many people who live in the middle of nowhere are not deep-pocketed which cause the young people to migrate another areas in order to survive. As a whole, this can be solve by the Government, by offering young people a work or opportunity in the countryside. Some youth leave there hometown, because the lack of chance to earn money for their families. Money is the core challenges why youth people live there place. All in all, The reason why young people leaving there hometown because of poverty, and trying new things. This challenges can be avoided, by giving youth an opportunity to work and earn in there place which Government will take the action.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
the town to experience the bustling city life, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the town. How to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
this situation and what are challenges cause by this issue. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception about in this topic. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation the main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
the countryside,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to try something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
in the city.

Reducing the number of population in that town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
direct affect to economy. No more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their products, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
farmer owners no one will continue their legacy. Population is vital in Economy this thing well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to prosper the area, if numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in that town.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
, for better work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
in the city.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the middle of nowhere are not deep-pocketed which cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to migrate another areas in order to survive.

As a whole, this can be
Consider using the past participle "solved"?
solve
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
, by offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a work or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
in the countryside.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the lack of chance to earn money for their families. Money is the core challenges why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there place.

All in all, The reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leaving there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poverty, and trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. This challenges can
be avoided
, by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to work and earn in
Did you mean "their"?
there
place which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
will take the action.
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He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people In the country side. What are the problems cause by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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