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Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v.4

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v. 4
Job availabilities and economical condition are integral parts of society. Thus, many people in the productive age are migrating to big cities in the search of better quality of life, leaving the elders to live in the countryside. This leads to several problems, such as overcrowd and poverty in a big city. However, there is a step that can be done to resolve the problems. Firstly, living in a big city is not a guarantee of a prosperous life. Particularly, if the people who move from the countryside do not have the skill to compete in the job, they will suffer and suck into poverty. Consequently, the poverty rate in cities will skyrocket. In addition, overcrowd problem will occur too because cities have limited space for housing. For instance, in Jakarta, there are plenty of migrated people who live in improper places after they move into the city. Nevertheless, urbanization issue can be tackled by providing job more opportunities in the countryside. By opening industrial and business areas, job opportunities and the economy will flourish. If there are enough jobs to support the economy, there will be fewer young people who move to cities and towns. One of the best practice is Japan, in that country, the industrial areas are distributed to small cities to ensure the job availability there. To conclude, poverty and overcrowd issues will occur in big cities if the migration rate is growing. However, these issues can be resolved by establishing industrial and business areas in the countryside to create job opportunities and provide better economic expectancy. This will prevent young people who are thirsty for experiences and opportunities from moving to big cities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
availabilities and economical condition are integral parts of society.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the productive age are migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in the search of better quality of life, leaving the elders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. This leads to several problems, such as overcrowd and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city.
However
, there is a step that can
be done
to resolve the problems.

Firstly
, living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city is not a guarantee of a prosperous life.
Particularly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
do not have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to compete in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they will suffer and suck into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will skyrocket.
In addition
, overcrowd problem will occur too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have limited space for housing.
For instance
, in Jakarta, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of migrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in improper places after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the city.

Nevertheless
, urbanization issue can
be tackled
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. By opening industrial and business areas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
and the economy will flourish. If there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to support the economy, there will be fewer young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and towns. One of the best
Please check whether a plural form of 'practice' should be used.
practice
is Japan, in that country, the industrial areas
are distributed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to ensure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
availability there.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and overcrowd issues will occur in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
if the migration rate is growing.
However
, these issues can
be resolved
by establishing industrial and business areas in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
and provide better economic expectancy. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are thirsty for experiences and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
from moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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