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Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in cinema. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in cinema. v. 5
Nowadays, technology becomes a vital part of everyone’s life. While some people believe that the movies should be watched on smartphones and tablets, the theatre halls are not needed. However, others argue that cinemas are necessary to enjoy the film to the fullest. I tend to agree with the latter argument. On the one hand, advancement in technology brought us numerous gadgets, and the smartphone is the most popular and crucial device among all of them. Now, with the help of mobile phones, any video or TV series can be watched at home without travelling to the movie halls. For instance, Netflix or Amazon Pay is two providers which made an entertainment hazel free and economical. In contrast, this watching experience could be a health issue for someone, because the viewing area of a mobile screen is small, which could constrain the eyes. As a result, someone could have a mild headache or severe cluster pain. On the other hand, the panoramic view of the cinema theatre screen and surround sound has no match. To illustrate, in the multiplexes, we have a comfortable sitting arrangement along with the option of opting for three-dimensional screening, which makes the movie watching great pleasure. This is the reason, movie budgets have been doubled up in recent years and the level of the quality risen drastically, although this experience comes with a high cost because multiplex tickets are expensive, which is why the audience generally plan the cinema hall visits once in weekends or twice in a month. To conclude, despite the advantages of cell phones as a portable amusement hub in the pocket, but in my opinion, the benefits of seeing a film in the cinema are more enjoyable and do not compromise our health, instead provide refreshment from the stressful life.
Nowadays, technology becomes a vital part of everyone’s life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
on smartphones and tablets, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
halls are not needed.
However
, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
are necessary to enjoy the film to the fullest. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter argument.

On the one hand, advancement in technology brought us numerous gadgets, and the smartphone is the most popular and crucial device among all of them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of mobile phones, any video or TV series can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
at home without travelling to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
halls.
For instance
, Netflix or Amazon Pay is two providers which made an entertainment hazel free and economical.
In contrast
, this watching experience could be a health issue for someone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the viewing area of a mobile screen is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, which could constrain the eyes.
As a result
, someone could have a mild headache or severe cluster pain.

On the other hand
, the panoramic view of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
screen and surround sound has no match. To illustrate, in the multiplexes, we have a comfortable sitting arrangement along with the option of opting for three-dimensional screening, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
watching great pleasure. This is the reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
budgets have
been doubled
up in recent years and the level of the quality risen
drastically
, although this experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a high cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
multiplex tickets are expensive, which is why the audience
generally
plan the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
hall visits once in weekends or twice in a month.

To conclude
, despite the advantages of cell phones as a portable amusement hub in the pocket,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion, the benefits of seeing a film in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
are more enjoyable and do not compromise our health,
instead
provide refreshment from the stressful life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in cinema. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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