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Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v.6

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v. 6
From time to time, people tend to move around from one place to another, many choose to go to the urban area for several reasons, and especially the young ones prefer to migrate away from the rural area into cities. Certainly, cities have better offers in all aspects, to mention a few, job opportunities, varsities, and more facilities. However, migrations as such, have left behind the elders and often some being forgotten, creating social issues and these have to be looked into seriously. One of the issues that arise, is that the growth of the population in the capital has increased exponentially, leading to overcrowding. Everywhere in the downtown is loaded with people, this causes congestion and massive traffic jam, especially at peak hours, usually before the beginning of office hours and school. In turn, more budget will be allocated to accommodate the surge of need in the urban, more facilities and public infrastructure will be built, this helps to develop the city further, however, the suburbs will indefinitely be left behind, widening the economic gap between these two. Nevertheless, these can be mitigated, not by the people, but government intervention and measure. Firstly, the government could help to improve the overpopulated area in the city by mean of decongestion. This can be achieved by encouraging corporations to move their offices to the rural places; incentives in the means of tax reduction can be given for those who relocate. Additionally, the rental rate in these places is also much cheaper than in the downtown. Likewise, university and educational centres can also be built with better facilities as more empty lands are available in such areas which then promotes young people to move to suburban who wish to pursue further and also help the rural to flourish in terms of cash flow as more demand for food and accommodation. In conclusion, the government plays a vital role in the city and rural planning and development, as people migration will be decided by whether the need for betterment in terms of careers, literacy, and lifestyle can be reached. A proper blueprint of development will be able to ensure relatively similar development in both suburban and cities.
From time to time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around from one place to another,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choose to go to the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
for several reasons, and
especially
the young ones prefer to migrate away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Certainly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have better offers in all aspects, to mention a few, job opportunities, varsities, and more facilities.
However
, migrations as such, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind the elders and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
being forgotten
, creating social issues and these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be looked
into
seriously
.

One of the issues that arise, is that the growth of the population in the capital has increased
exponentially
, leading to overcrowding. Everywhere in the downtown
is loaded
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this causes congestion and massive traffic jam,
especially
at peak hours,
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the beginning of office hours and school. In turn, more budget will
be allocated
to accommodate the surge of need in the urban, more facilities and public infrastructure will
be built
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop the city
further
,
however
, the suburbs will
indefinitely
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind, widening the economic gap between these two.
Nevertheless
, these can
be mitigated
, not by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
intervention and measure.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the overpopulated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
in the city by mean of
Possible spelling mistake found.
decongestion
. This can
be achieved
by encouraging corporations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their offices to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
places; incentives in the means of tax reduction can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for those who relocate.
Additionally
, the rental rate in these places is
also
much cheaper than in the downtown.
Likewise
, university and educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
can
also
be built
with better facilities as more empty lands are available in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
which
Did you mean "than"?
then
promotes young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to suburban who wish to pursue
further
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
to flourish in terms of cash flow as more demand for food and accommodation.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
plays a vital role in the city and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
planning and development, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migration will
be decided
by whether the need for betterment in terms of careers, literacy, and lifestyle can
be reached
. A proper blueprint of development will be able to ensure
relatively
similar development in both suburban and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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