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Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v.10

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v. 10
In the era of rampant globalisation, many are relocating from rural areas to urban places. This migration has led to a skewed population in villages, leaving very few young people to do farming and development work. Moreover, cities have become over-crowded and hence, their natural resources are depleting. Governments must come up with lucrative schemes and create industries in order to recall the citizens to the countryside. The bling of city life with all its amenities and opportunities have always lured people from villages, especially the younger generation. This movement has not only caused an imbalance in the population in rural areas, but also hampered the agriculture sector as there are only a handful of young people left who are physically capable of carrying out farming. A study by Harvard University has cited that the population of developed cities of the world is increasing at a rate of nine percent annually. This has left people living in towns and cities fighting for survival because their natural resources like ground-water is reduced and air quality is becoming worse by the day. For instance, pollution in Delhi, as per the latest government records has risen by an alarming eighteen percent in the last five years. One possible solution to move back young people will be to bring technical industries like manufacturing and software to the countryside. By doing so, the government will provide for the highly-skilled labour and hence allowing them to stay in their villages. A survey by Facebook shows that people are willing to live in remote places if they have adequate jobs to earn their livelihood. Another way to lure people back would be to give subsidies for new businesses, and native industries. A prominent example of this is Switzerland, where the government gives huge start up money to set up milk-based businesses in the countryside. To conclude, it is worrisome when a section of society has to leave their homes for a better life. Due to this migration, the countryside is left wanting for a younger population, which is capable of working and developing it. Countries need to develop the rural areas and provide communities with ample opportunities for work.
In the era of rampant
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are relocating from rural areas to urban places. This migration has led to a skewed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in villages, leaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go farming".
do farming
and development work.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have become over-crowded and
hence
, their natural resources are depleting.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with lucrative schemes and create industries in order to recall the citizens to the countryside.

The bling of city life with all its amenities and opportunities have always lured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from villages,
especially
the younger generation. This movement has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
caused an imbalance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in rural areas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
hampered the agriculture sector as there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "handfuls", "handsful"?
handful
of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
who are
physically
capable of carrying out farming. A study by Harvard University has cited that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
of the world is increasing at a rate of nine percent
annually
. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in towns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
fighting for survival
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their natural resources like ground-water is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and air quality is becoming worse by the day.
For instance
, pollution in Delhi, as per the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
records has risen by an alarming eighteen percent in the last five years.

One possible solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
back young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be to bring technical industries like manufacturing and software to the countryside. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will provide for the
highly
-skilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
and
hence
allowing them to stay in their villages. A survey by Facebook
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in remote places if they have adequate jobs to earn their livelihood. Another way to lure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
back would be to give subsidies for new businesses, and native industries. A prominent example of this is Switzerland, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
gives huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up money to set up milk-based businesses in the countryside.

To conclude
, it is worrisome when a section of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes for a better life. Due to this migration, the countryside is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
wanting for a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, which is capable of working and developing it. Countries need to develop the rural areas and provide communities with ample opportunities for work.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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