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Some people think that all the lawbreakers should be taken into the prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. (for example, doing some work or learning some skills in the community). v. 2

some people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives.

We have witnessed many crimes in modern society. It is argued that all of the lawbreakers should be sent to jail, while others think that there are better alternative choices for lawbreakers to amend themselves. In my opinion, these statements are reasonable. It is certainly true that lawbreakers should be taken into the prison for some reasons. One of the reasons is that this policy can to protect the inhabitants of cities. Lawbreakers usually commit crimes that will bring harms to the others such as stealing and robbing. By sending crime offenders to prisons, it can ensure that the society safety. As a result, citizens subsequently would feel that the society is peaceful and secured. Another reason is that this action reduce the crime rate. By strictly imposing punishment to criminals, it will decrease the level of crime rate because it has deterrent effects. Consequently, people would give up the thought of committing crimes. However, there are opposing voices saying that there are better ways to solve this problem. To begin with, the government should offer jobs to criminals. Re-offenders, in most cases, are struggling with extremely limited income in their lives. Given secured jobs and reasonable payments, they naturally can learn some practical skills such as computer skills. Therefore, they will not risk their liberty because they live like ordinary residents with sufficient income. Apart from this, the government should provide free education to them. Due to leak of educating in the past, perpetrators were unable to judge what was right and wrong things to do. Being significantly educating, they will become good members and will not return to crime. Overall 6 I can see your great effort in finishing this essay, but you still need to be careful with the way you use academic English. First, basic grammatical mistakes must be avoided in high-scored essays. I know that even though you are fully aware of mistakes that I pointed out above, it’s possible that you will make the same mistake in the next essay. So you must think of a measure to tackle this. Second, try to pay attention to the use of vocabularies/phrases. With little changes, your range of vocabularies would change as I have showed you in detail comments of suggestion. Try to read more, be immersed more frequently in English environment even talking to yourself. Third, analyze how an instructor suggest a different structure for your essay/paragraph as they have experienced the same issue but in different context. If you are just look through the suggested structure, it is not acquired, but learned. In conclusion, although some people think that all the criminal offenders should be imprisoned, I still think that it will not solved the problems. However, if the government is able to provide free education to lawbreakers, this will give them a second chance in life.

IELTS essay some people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

We have witnessed
many
crimes
in modern society. It
is argued
that all of the
lawbreakers
should be
sent
to jail, while others
think
that there are better alternative choices for
lawbreakers
to amend themselves. In my opinion, these statements are reasonable.

It is
certainly
true that
lawbreakers
should
be taken
into the prison for
some
reasons. One of the reasons is that this policy can to protect the inhabitants of cities.
Lawbreakers
usually
commit
crimes
that will bring harms to the others such as stealing and robbing. By sending
crime
offenders to prisons, it can ensure that the society safety.
As a result
, citizens
subsequently
would feel that the society is peaceful and secured. Another reason is that this action
reduce
the
crime
rate. By
strictly
imposing punishment to criminals, it will decrease the level of
crime
rate
because
it has deterrent effects.
Consequently
,
people
would give up the
thought
of committing crimes.

However
, there are opposing voices saying that there are better ways to solve this problem. To
begin
with, the
government
should offer jobs to criminals. Re-offenders,
in most cases
, are struggling with
extremely
limited income in their
lives
.
Given
secured jobs and reasonable payments, they
naturally
can learn
some
practical
skills
such as computer
skills
.
Therefore
, they will not
risk
their liberty
because
they
live
like ordinary residents with sufficient income. Apart from this, the
government
should provide free education to them. Due to leak of educating in the past, perpetrators were unable to judge what was right and
wrong
things to do. Being
significantly
educating, they will become
good
members and will not return to crime.

Overall


6

I can
see
your great effort in finishing this essay,
but
you
still
need to be careful with the way you
use
academic English.
First
, basic grammatical mistakes
must
be avoided
in high-scored essays. I know that
even though
you are
fully
aware of mistakes that I pointed out above, it’s possible that you will
make
the same mistake in the
next
essay.
So
you
must
think
of a measure to tackle this. Second, try to pay attention to the
use
of vocabularies/phrases. With
little
changes
, your range of vocabularies would
change
as I have
showed
you in detail comments of suggestion. Try to read more,
be immersed
more
frequently
in English environment even talking to yourself. Third, analyze how an instructor suggest a
different
structure for your essay/paragraph as they have experienced the same issue
but
in
different
context. If you are
just
look through the suggested structure, it is not acquired,
but
learned.

In conclusion
, although
some
people
think
that all the criminal offenders should
be imprisoned
, I
still
think
that it will not solved the problems.
However
, if the
government
is able to provide free education to
lawbreakers
, this will give them a second chance in life.
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell
Essay
5 paragraphs
473 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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