Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. The ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. The ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. v. 2
While many people argue that travelling by plane is only beneficial for the affluent class, I still believe that not only wealthy people but also ordinary citizens have merits of it. On the one hand, I agree that the upper class is more thriving thanks to the advancement of air travel for several reasons. Firstly, air flights afford wealthy businessman more opportunities to manage their global chain of companies. Air travelling is known as the most convenient means of transport, which allows travellers to commute to anywhere in the Earth in the short time. As the result, affluent business people can easily arrange their locomotive work, for example, arriving in China for the meeting in the morning and returning Canada in the same-day evening for the conference. Secondly, air trips associated with the luxurious services and flying-related technology have become the recreation and leisure activities for the rich, which the ordinary people hardly think of owing to its expensiveness. On the other hand, not only the up class over the world but also other classes in society are the beneficiaries of flights. Air travel has remarkably promoted local economy. This is evidenced by the fact that when travellers come, they spend much money for accommodation, tourist places and souvenirs which are the main source of income of many ordinary people. For example, in the tourist season, some Vietnamese people can earn enough for their whole year by selling Non la and Ao Dai, the traditional costumes of Vietnam, for travellers. Furthermore, travelling by aircraft offers employment opportunities to common man. Being hired by travel companies or airlines, ordinary citizens can easily get a suitable job such as cleaner, tourist guide and flying attendant. In conclusion, I believe that to some extent both the affluent and the poor can, more or less, gain a better life from the increase in air flights.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that travelling by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial for the affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, I
still
believe that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
citizens have merits of it.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is more thriving thanks to the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel for several reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
flights afford wealthy businessman more opportunities to manage their global chain of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Air
travelling
is known
as the most convenient means of transport, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to commute to anywhere in the Earth in the short time. As the result, affluent business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
arrange their locomotive work,
for example
, arriving in China for the meeting in the morning and returning Canada in the same-day evening for the conference.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
trips associated with the luxurious services and flying-related technology have become the recreation and leisure activities for the rich, which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of owing to its expensiveness.

On the other hand
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
over the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in society are the beneficiaries of flights.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Air
travel has
remarkably
promoted local economy. This
is evidenced
by the fact that when
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
, they spend much money for accommodation, tourist places and souvenirs which are the main source of income of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, in the tourist season,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for their whole year by selling Non la and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ao
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dai
, the traditional costumes of Vietnam, for
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.
Furthermore
, travelling by aircraft offers employment opportunities to common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
Being hired
by travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or airlines,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
citizens can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a suitable job such as cleaner, tourist guide and flying attendant.

In conclusion
, I believe that to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent both the affluent and the poor can, more or less, gain a better life from the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
flights.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. The ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts