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Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities To what extent do you agree? v.2

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities v. 2
It is always a debatable issue, who should be responsible to provide recreational facilities to locals. Some people think that private and non-governmental businesses should provide funds to facilitate the community. However, according to me, it is the responsibility of the government to provide modern amenities to people such as sports centres, gyms and other social facilities. To begin with, it is argued that as entrepreneurs are served by a society, they also should be needful towards the community. Therefore, businessmen must spend a certain percentage of the amount of their profits, in developing local areas, which eventually, keeps people healthy and fit. However, if any, private company builds or improves any facility, it will definitely bombard people with its advertisements of products as well as services, because private companies are always aimed to gain profits. For example, in Mumbai, a famous public park, Sardar Garden, is built by the private company, which allures the visitors, by their attractive digital media banners. Furthermore, private owners are paying a huge amount of taxation to the government, which can be used in further developments. Levying more taxation and extra responsibilities of organizations, can do only harm than good. In my opinion, it is the responsibility of the authority of any nation, to think about the health of the public. Government should use some tax funds in developing hangout places. So that, locals can enjoy their free time without any distraction by advertisements. As a result, it improves the standard of living of common folks. Moreover, improving local facilities, can reduce the strain on the medical bills, as people become healthier. To conclude, private firms are already becoming useful for the society. So, it is the government, who is responsible in enhancing the quality of people's life.
It is always a debatable issue, who should be responsible to provide recreational facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
and non-governmental businesses should provide funds to facilitate the community.
However
, according to me, it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to provide modern amenities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, gyms and other social facilities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
is argued
that as entrepreneurs
are served
by a society, they
also
should be needful towards the community.
Therefore
, businessmen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend a certain percentage of the amount of their profits, in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
areas, which
eventually
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthy and fit.
However
, if any,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
builds or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
any facility, it will definitely bombard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with its advertisements of products
as well
as services,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are always aimed to gain profits.
For example
, in Mumbai, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
public park,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sardar
Garden,
is built
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, which allures the visitors, by their attractive digital media banners.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
owners are paying a huge amount of taxation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
further
developments. Levying more taxation and extra responsibilities of organizations, can do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. In my opinion, it is the responsibility of the authority of any nation, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the health of the public.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tax funds in developing hangout places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
can enjoy their free time without any distraction by advertisements.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the standard of living of common folks.
Moreover
, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
facilities, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the strain on the medical bills, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become healthier.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
firms are already becoming useful for the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, who is responsible in enhancing the quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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