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Some young people are deliberately damaging the public places. Write an essay by addressing what are the causes of it, how they are damaging and what can be done in order to stop it. v.1

Some young people are deliberately damaging the public places. Write an essay by addressing what are the causes of it, how they are damaging and what can be done in order to stop it. v. 1
In the past, public places were developed for the benefit of the society and everybody seemed to respect that. However, nowadays some youth are playing a crucial role in destroying such places by organising parties at these free locations. Giving importance to socialise with their friends is one of the major reasons which provoke them to perform such activity. To tackle this, government’s role will be analysed for viability and parents should take some steps as well. To begin with, sadly some young people are more inclined towards their social life. Thus, in order to spend time with friends, they prefer setting meetings or parties at the public places. As a consequence, they create a lot of litter in gardens or parks, which not only spoils the beauty of the place but also contributes towards the pollution. Therefore, it is apparent that prioritising social life is the main cause of creating rubbish in public places. Though there are quite responsible youths yet there are some youth who seems very eager to show their power in the public places and they do whatever they wish. There are many ways how those bunch of young people are destroying the peacefulness of such public places. They often shout, talk to friends loudly which might be disturbing for others. Again, They often smoke in public places which are harmful to others and such young people care very less to respect the rules of those public place and often fight each other and show muscle powers to others which are very abominable especially in public places. To counter this, the government should restrict people from using such places for their personal benefit. This can be done by enforcing strict rules and penalties if individuals organise any private event at such places. Apart from government’s involvement in solving this urgent issue, the awareness among people must be increased. They should know the harmfulness and long-term effects of damaging public places and they should spontaneously volunteer to avoid this. As it is seen that young generation is playing a crucial role in spoiling the communal places by producing garbage which results from the parties held at these places. It is thus hoped that government will introduce the subject related to the importance of public places in the school curriculum and target towards the reduction in the misuse of such places.
In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
were developed
for the benefit of the society and everybody seemed to respect that.
However
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "youths"?
youth
are playing a crucial role in destroying such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
parties at these free locations. Giving importance to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with their friends is one of the major reasons which provoke them to perform such activity. To tackle this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
role will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
for viability and parents should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
sadly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more inclined towards their social life.
Thus
, in order to spend time with friends, they prefer setting meetings or parties at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. As a consequence, they create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
litter in gardens or parks, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spoils the beauty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contributes towards the pollution.
Therefore
, it is apparent that
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritising' is British English.
prioritising
social life is the main cause of creating rubbish in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Though there are quite responsible youths
yet
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youth who seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their power in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
places and
they do whatever they wish. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways how those bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are destroying the peacefulness of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
shout, talk to friends
loudly
which might be disturbing for others. Again, They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
smoke in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which are harmful to others and such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less to respect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fight each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
muscle powers to others which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
abominable
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places.

To counter this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from using such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for their personal benefit. This can
be done
by enforcing strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and penalties if individuals
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
any private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
at such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
involvement in solving this urgent issue, the awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be increased
. They should know the harmfulness and long-term effects of damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
places and
they should
spontaneously
volunteer to avoid this.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is playing a crucial role in spoiling the communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
by producing garbage which results from the parties held at these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. It is
thus
hoped that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will introduce the subject related to the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in the school curriculum and target towards the reduction in the misuse of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some young people are deliberately damaging the public places. Write an essay by addressing what are the causes of it, how they are damaging and what can be done in order to stop it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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