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Many people play sports when they are young but the stop doing physical exercise when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? what can be done about this problem? v.1

Many people play sports when they are young but the stop doing physical exercise when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? what can be done about this problem? v. 1
Health and the fitness are the main sources for success. Humans, they fully occupied with sports and exercise when they are young, but while they growing up they are lazy to continue those, thus they are facing more troubles. This essay is going to discuss the causes and effects. On the one hand, nowadays the growing number of people are sick and being unhealthy due to several reasons. First of all, currently, humans are packed with a lot of commitments because, of the fast running world. So they hesitate to do sports. Moreover, every day they work for 10 hours, therefore, they mentally very tired then, how could they have a mindset to do leisure activities. Additionally, they are getting old. For example, my father used to do fitness activities, once he gets married, he occupied with family responsibilities to take better care of them, yet, now he has some illness. However, there are many ways to stop these behaviours. The government should be conducted plenty of fitness, health campaigns and awareness to adults, moreover, they should encourage every individual to involve in sports culture. Which will not only improve their health, but also help to work more efficiently in their workplace. For instance, the countries like Canada, the USA, London every year they are organizing a marathon, many adults, old people take part in it and win some valuable rewards. To sum up, "healthy life is the richer life", according to that quote every single person do not miss doing regular exercise for their well-being future. Further, all must personally commit with full of involvement.
Health and the fitness are the main sources for success. Humans, they
fully
occupied with sports and exercise when they are young,
but
while
they growing
up they are lazy to continue those,
thus
they are facing more troubles. This essay is going to discuss the causes and effects.

On the one hand, nowadays the growing number of
people
are sick and being unhealthy due to several reasons.
First of all
,
currently
, humans
are packed
with
a lot of
commitments
because
, of the
fast
running world.
So
they hesitate to do sports.
Moreover
, every day they work for 10 hours,
therefore
, they mentally
very
tired then, how could they have a mindset to do leisure activities.
Additionally
, they are getting
old
.
For example
, my father
used
to do fitness activities, once he
gets
married, he occupied with family responsibilities to take better care of them,
yet
,
now
he has
some
illness.

However
, there are
many
ways to
stop
these
behaviours
. The
government
should
be conducted
plenty
of fitness, health campaigns and awareness to adults,
moreover
, they should encourage every individual to involve in sports culture. Which will not
only
improve
their health,
but
also
help
to work more
efficiently
in their workplace.
For instance
, the countries like Canada, the USA, London every year they are organizing a marathon,
many
adults,
old
people
take part
in it and win
some
valuable rewards.

To sum up,
"
healthy life is the richer life
"
, according to that quote every single person do not miss doing regular exercise for their well-being future.
Further
, all
must
personally
commit with full of involvement.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Many people play sports when they are young but the stop doing physical exercise when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? what can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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