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Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives? Give your opinion about this issue? v.11

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives? Give your opinion about this issue? v. 11
Media plays an important part in our lives. However, some people believe that the famous people are negatively depicted by the media while others reckon that media is the first source that produces the famous people. For many reasons, which will be discussed below,   I strongly believe that positive media does not affect the famous people, unlike the negative one which interferes with their private lives. It is widely agreeable that the positive media makes us well informed about the famous people. To illustrate, we can become so familiar to those famous people and we can get benefit from their good merits. Additionally, we will be able to apply their good conducts in our lives. Needless to say, all people are affected only by the famous people. Consequently, we can imitate them in whatever is positive. In this way, I believe that media should continue to show us those famous people so that we can develop and lead a comfortable life. Media plays an important role to make someone famous. Mass people from all around the world know about the fame of someone through the media. So in a way, media helps someone to get famous. It is a bad practice for reporter and journalist to take vengeance against some famous celebrities. This should be completely avoided. I completely agree that the famous people should be given their privacy and should not be followed everywhere they go to. This is a basic human right that they often can't enjoy. The second reason why the positive media is important for famous people is that it enormously increases the fame of those people. Additionally, such famous people will drastically be known all over the world. Hence, the famous people will not only gain their fame medially but rather they will be materialistically and morally rich ones. Accordingly, it can be noticed that famous people get their fame from the media and they will be so grateful to such promising and positive media. On the other hand, when the negative media is employed in the lives of famous people, it will upset them. In other words, all of us know that some curious media always want to know everything about the famous people. Moreover, it always interferes in their lives and chases them wherever they go. Undoubtedly, such famous people will utterly become dissatisfied with the so-called media since it penetrates their privacy. As a result, this kind of media is surely unwelcome in all communities. To recap, we have to differentiate between the two kinds of media mentioned above. Positive media contributes widely to the production of famous people while the bad one extremely affects the privacy of those famous people. Hence, we should do our best to encourage the positive media and to prevent such negative one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
negatively
depicted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
while others reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is the
first
source that produces the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons, which will
be discussed
below,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
does not affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, unlike the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one which interferes with their private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

It is
widely
agreeable that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To illustrate, we can become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
familiar to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
merits.
Additionally
, we will be able to apply their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conducts in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Needless to say, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, we can imitate them in whatever is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
. In this way, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
us those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can develop and lead a comfortable life.

Media plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
. Mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all around the world know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
of someone through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in a way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
someone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
. It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
practice for reporter and journalist to take vengeance against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
. This should be completely avoided. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their privacy and should not
be followed
everywhere they go to. This is a basic human right that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
can't enjoy.

The second reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that it
enormously
increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Additionally
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
drastically
be known
all over the world.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
medially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
they will be
materialistically
and
morally
rich ones.
Accordingly
, it can
be noticed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
media and
they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
grateful to such promising and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
media.

On the other hand
, when the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is employed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it will upset them.
In other words
, all of us know that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
curious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
always want to know everything about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, it always interferes in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and chases them wherever they go.
Undoubtedly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
utterly
become dissatisfied with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
since it penetrates their privacy.
As a result
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
surely
unwelcome in all communities.

To recap, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
differentiate between the two kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
mentioned above.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
contributes
widely
to the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
one
extremely
affects the privacy of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Hence
, we should do our best to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
73Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives? Give your opinion about this issue? v. 11

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
467 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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