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Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
Advertising plays a vital role in influencing individuals. Effective advertising leads to building an image which can be related to a number of individuals. Some people are in agreement that the adverse effects of advertising could lead to losing the individuality of people. In my view, I agree that advertising effects can have detrimental effects on a person's individuality, however there are also some positive aspects. To begin with, advertising can influence people easily which can lead to losing their individual identity. The fashion industry has evolved over the recent years, the people now adapt easily to the new fashions that is being advertised over the media which, helps them to be up-to-date with the latest fashion. The fashion, they are influenced by could possibly be very different to their identity. In addition, advertising could help in losing the perspective people have. As advertising builds a certain perspective people, tend to stop having a say in their point of view. They only follow the trend, this could lead to setting an adverse effect in the society. As it is always beneficial to have a society with different views. Moreover, advertising also builds a materialistic world. For example, having the greatest device has become a societal norm. Advertising of these gadgets on all forms of media, encourages the want of having these products. Individuals get influenced to buy these products so they can fit into the society. On the other hand, advertising helps in creating understanding among individuals. As it influences the choices of individuals, people could be influential in positive ways as well. For example, the youth can be influenced by reducing the among of alcohol consumption if the same is being advertised with the adverse effects it causes to health. In conclusion, advertising plays a vital role in keeping up with the trends in the market. In my view, advertising can easily influence, especially the youth with can have adverse effects such as losing of individuality etc. Hence, it is important for the advertising medium to be used effectively.
Advertising plays a vital role in influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. Effective advertising leads to building an image which can
be related
to a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in agreement that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adverse
effects of advertising could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
losing
the individuality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that advertising effects can have detrimental effects on a person's individuality,
however
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, advertising can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
losing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
identity. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
industry has evolved over the recent years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
adapt
easily
to the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashions
that is
being advertised
over the media which,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be up-to-date with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
, they
are influenced
by could
possibly
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to their identity.
In addition
, advertising could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
losing
the perspective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have. As advertising builds a certain perspective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
having a say in their point of view. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
follow the trend, this could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to setting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
in the society.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is always beneficial to have a society with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views.

Moreover
, advertising
also
builds a materialistic world.
For example
, having the greatest device has become a societal norm. Advertising of these gadgets on all forms of media, encourages the want of having these products.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can fit into the society.

On the other hand
, advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in creating understanding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. As it influences the choices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be influential in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways
as well
.
For example
, the youth can
be influenced
by reducing the among of alcohol consumption if the same is
being advertised
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adverse
effects it causes to health.

In conclusion
, advertising plays a vital role in keeping up with the trends in the market. In my view, advertising can
easily
influence,
especially
the youth with can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adverse
effects such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
losing
of individuality etc.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the advertising medium to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
effectively
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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