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Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
It is argued that, instead of face to face communication, the popularity of technology is increasing among the business sectors and individuals to communicate for professional and social purposes. This essay will show that this is a positive development and it can be beneficial for people. It will first suggest that it is advantageous as it saves a lot of time, followed by a discussion that it sometimes lead to misunderstandings between the people. To embark on, with the development of technology, people life has become easier as they do not have to spend a lot of time doing some work like, they used to do in the past. Now they can do many things with a click of a button. Similarly, people can communicate in a fast and convenient way with the help of technology. Moreover, it is advantageous for them as their time is saved because rather than going to any particular place in order to commute to someone, they can make an audio or even video call. In addition to this, in the case of emergency it can be really beneficial for the people. For instance, in the need of medical emergency, the communication with technology can be really helpful for the people. On the other hand, there is a lack of gestures, movements and facial expressions when one communicates with the help of technology that so why it can also lead to misunderstandings as one cannot understand the message in the same sense that the sender as sent. Overall, In my opinion, I agree that there are some disadvantages of using technology for communication purposes; however, there are very rare chances of this and most of the people understand the true sense of message as they use this technology in their daily life, they are habituated to it. To conclude, every development has some disadvantages, but they are mostly ignored, especially when their chances are less and the same thing is with the using of technology for communication.
It
is argued
that,
instead
of face to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is increasing among the business sectors and individuals to communicate for professional and social purposes. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development and it can be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It will
first
suggest that it is advantageous as it saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time, followed by a discussion that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lead to misunderstandings between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To embark on, with the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life has become easier as they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "works"?
work
like, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do in the past.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
they can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things with a click of a button.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and convenient way with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Moreover
, it is advantageous for them as their time
is saved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
rather
than going to any particular place in order to commute to someone, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an audio or even video call.
In addition
to this, in the case of emergency it can be
really
beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, in the need of medical emergency, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
really
helpful for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, there is a lack of gestures, movements and facial expressions when one communicates with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
why it can
also
lead to misunderstandings as one cannot understand the message in the same sense that the sender as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
.

Overall
, In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
purposes;
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rare chances of this and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand the true sense of message as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in their daily life, they
are habituated
to it.

To conclude
, every development has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
,
especially
when their chances are less and the same thing is with the using of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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