Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

37. Most students use the Internet to study. Some do research on the Internet. Some post questions or join discussion groups. What are the most useful ways for students to use the Internet? v.1

37. Most students use the Internet to study. Some do research on the Internet. Some post questions or join discussion groups. What are the most useful ways for students to use the Internet? v. 1
The surge of sugar consumption is becoming prevalent everywhere. Some argue that the government should control the increase of sugary product consumptions. In my opinion, I believe it is an individual's power to limit their sugar intake by alternate healthy methods. On the one hand, a large number of people believe the government should create laws that prohibit the product adverts with high sugar contents. Nevertheless, they believe this will prevent people from buying such products or being aware of them, since they are not informed about it. Also, this will encourage people to concentrate more on organic products. In addition, if the authority can heavily tax such products, this will discourage a large proportion of the population from patronising such products. Buying products with low sugar level will further be encouraged. All this will increase the well being of the population. However, the bulk of the work is on each individual to have power over their health. This can be done by monitoring diets as the authorities cannot closely monitor what is consumed by the population. It is required for each person to take foods low in sugar, especially fruits and vegetables which are good for the health. Additionally, sports can be taken as a hobby to improve the lifestyle of a person, this also cannot be enforced by the government. Performing some light aerobics like physical exercise, and walking for a few minutes daily will contribute a great deal to the overall mental health. In conclusion, despite the fact that the government may need to impose some restrictions on sugary products, it is also the responsibility of the masses to take control of their health by monitoring their food intake and participating in recreational activities. In my opinion, each human being has the final authority over their health and not the authority in charge.
The surge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption is becoming prevalent everywhere.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should control the increase of sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
. In my opinion, I believe it is an individual's power to limit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake by alternate healthy methods.

On the one hand,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should create laws that prohibit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
adverts with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
contents.
Nevertheless
, they believe this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from buying such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or being aware of them, since they are not informed about it.
Also
, this will encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to concentrate more on organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
In addition
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
can
heavily
tax such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, this will discourage a large proportion of the population from
Possible spelling mistake. 'patronising' is British English.
patronising
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
level will
further
be encouraged
. All this will increase the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of the population.

However
, the bulk of the work is on each individual to have power over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This can
be done
by monitoring diets as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
cannot
closely
monitor what
is consumed
by the population. It
is required
for each person to take foods low in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
,
especially
fruits and vegetables which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Additionally
, sports can
be taken
as a hobby to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the lifestyle of a person, this
also
cannot
be enforced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Performing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light aerobics like physical exercise, and walking for a few minutes daily will contribute a great deal to the
overall
mental health.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
may need to impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions on sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, it is
also
the responsibility of the masses to take control of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by monitoring their food intake and participating in recreational activities. In my opinion, each human being has the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
in charge.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay 37. Most students use the Internet to study. Some do research on the Internet. Some post questions or join discussion groups. What are the most useful ways for students to use the Internet? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts