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Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.3

Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 3
Sports and games are all time favorite for children. Children like to practice their games and become perfect to win the game. In this competitive world there are many other aspects in which children should show their talent equal to sports. There are some advantages and disadvantages as well for spending more time on sports. First of all, playing sports are the best exercise for children to be physically strong. There is a saying ' To be mentally fit, an individual must be fit physically first' . According to researchers, children must participate in sports activities, this makes children to fit, it also increases the stamina and born calories by playing. On the other hand, demerits are, children might pay less concentration on other activities such as music and dancing. In addition, children can be well disciplined towards other activities by practicing sports. Children can also be well mannered towards others and children also know how to set goals and how to work to accomplish their goals. For instance, one of my child neighbors practice sports everyday. He is well disciplined towards his parents and work too and he feels responsible in every aspect. Concentrating more time on sports may cause affect on their studies by not knowing how to balance both sports and education equally. Finally, playing sports develop teamwork and leadership qualities. Children can develop how to motivate the team in which they are playing and how to rebuild their strength after failures. There by, children can also develop how to plan in a careful manner. By practicing sports everytime, children may avoid others who are not playing sports. By the way of conclusion, playing sports are the best exercise for children, children ca be well disciplined and children can also develop teamwork and there are equal disadvantages too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
and games are
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
favorite for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
like to practice their games and become perfect to win the game. In this competitive world there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent equal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
for spending more time on sports.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the best exercise for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
physically
strong. There is a saying ' To be mentally fit, an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be fit
physically
Possible spelling mistake found.
first&
#039;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
According to researchers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to fit, it
also
increases the stamina and born calories by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, demerits are,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might pay less concentration on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities such as music and dancing.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well disciplined
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities by practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
also
be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well mannered
towards others and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
know how to set goals and how to work to accomplish their goals.
For instance
, one of my child neighbors practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. He is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well disciplined
towards his parents and work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
too and
he feels responsible in every aspect. Concentrating more time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may cause
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on their studies by not knowing how to balance both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and education
equally
.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
teamwork and leadership qualities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
how to motivate the team in which they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and how to rebuild their strength after failures. There by,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
how to plan
Consider replacing "in a careful manner" with the adverb for "careful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a careful manner
. By practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may avoid others who are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports.

By the way of conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the best exercise for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ca be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well disciplined
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
teamwork and there are equal disadvantages too.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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