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Question: Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

Question: Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
In this technical world, the profound influence of technology on human life. Therefore, millions of families are vocalise that offspring should have cell phones. Counterparts, against this notion. Prior to my view my, I will delineate both aspects in my upcoming writing. According to people who advocate that children should have their personal phones as they can ameliorate themselves in their study because in these days many websites which provide an appropriate knowledge regarding the study. Apart from this, mobile phone is not only suitable for study it will also bring up safety in a child's life. In other word with the assistance of mobile phone parents can also find the location of their juveniles as well as in such critical circumstances they can also call to them. On the other hand, due to some reasons parents argue that these mobile phones can let detrimental impact on their children study and also in life. Chiefly, it can also distract the mind of children from their study. They can be addicted to surfing the internet and playing games on cell phones. As a result, they will not concentrate their study and end of the day they will obtain less marks in their academic. Furthermore, everyone knows that many games and movies are glorified with violation scenes. After that, they will try these kind of antisocial activity in their real life. Owing to which sometime they can stick into hurdles and can spoil their life. To recapitulate, after analysing the whole writing. I concluded that parents should not give mobile phones to their children because its disadvantages are more dominant than advantages.
In this technical world, the profound influence of technology on human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, millions of families are
Possible spelling mistake. 'vocalise' is British English.
vocalise
that offspring should have cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Counterparts, against this notion. Prior to my view my, I will delineate both aspects in my upcoming writing.

According to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
as they can ameliorate themselves in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
websites which provide an appropriate knowledge regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Apart from this, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
it will
also
bring up safety in a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In other word with the assistance of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
parents can
also
find the location of their juveniles
as well
as in such critical circumstances they can
also
call to them.

On the other hand
, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons parents argue that these mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
detrimental impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
also
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Chiefly
, it can
also
distract the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. They can
be addicted
to surfing the internet and playing games on cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
As a result
, they will not concentrate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day they will obtain
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun marks is countable.
less
marks in their academic.
Furthermore
, everyone knows that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
games and movies
are glorified
with violation scenes. After that, they will try
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of antisocial activity in their real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Owing to which sometime they can stick into hurdles and can spoil their life.

To recapitulate, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the whole writing. I concluded that parents should not give mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its disadvantages are more dominant than advantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Question: Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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