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Many people today prefer socializing online to that in the local community, do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Many people today prefer socializing online to that in the local community, do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In the modern world, the consumption of power is a burning issue of the society. Although there is an opinion that each individual should cut down the use of natural resources, such as oil, gas and coal, in order to decrease the level of toxic emissions, which is detrimental for the surrounding world, others feel that such kind of lifestyle cannot be appropriate for the individuals, because they already get used to utilize a high level of power. There is no denying that instead of struggling with shortage of light or heat, individuals are keen to contaminate the atmosphere with toxic gases. First and foremost, the majority of individuals are not aware of environmental issues, such as overusing of lights and wasting natural resources. Accordingly, they are keen to waste such kinds of mineral resources. A good illustration of this is the individuals, who live in rural areas. Due to underdevelopment of mass media in countryside, they often do not get an updated information about the effective methods of saving power. Secondly, many people believe that the authorities should be concerned about such kinds of problems. Accordingly, they are not willing to cut down the use of oil and gases. To illustrate, many citizens of Turkmenistan do not switch their cookers off, because they do not charge for natural gas. On the other hand, the propaganda of saving energy can alleviate the position. It is widely accepted that if individuals come across with advertisings, which are call the citizens to save such kinds of resources, they can start to take action, in order to protect the environment. For example, individuals can meet at various types of commercials in the streets, which are advertising the use of recycling materials in developed countries, such as the USA and UK. Furthermore, introducing heavy taxes for the consumption of toxic gases can partly solve the problem. That is to say, big companies, especially oil companies in developing countries and the UAE should be charged more than other organizations. For instance, these taken actions can really improve the position in these countries. To conclude, although individuals are not willing to take measures to protect the atmosphere, encouragements of the governments can really make the situation better. In addition, people should their best in order to alleviate the situation.
In the modern world, the consumption of power is a burning issue of the society. Although there is an opinion that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of natural resources, such as oil, gas and coal, in order to decrease the level of toxic emissions, which is detrimental for the surrounding world, others feel that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of lifestyle cannot be appropriate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to utilize a high level of power.

There is no denying that
instead
of struggling with shortage of light or heat,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are keen to contaminate the atmosphere with toxic gases.
First
and foremost, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are not aware of environmental issues, such as overusing of lights and wasting natural resources.
Accordingly
, they are keen to waste such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of mineral resources. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in rural areas. Due to underdevelopment of mass media in countryside, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an updated information about the effective methods of saving power.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the authorities should
be concerned
about such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of problems.
Accordingly
, they are not willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of oil and gases. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens of Turkmenistan do not switch their cookers off,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not charge for natural gas.

On the other hand
, the propaganda of saving energy can alleviate the position. It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across with
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisings
, which are call the citizens to save such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of resources, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to take action, in order to protect the environment.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
at various types of commercials in the streets, which are advertising the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of recycling materials in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, such as the USA and UK.
Furthermore
, introducing heavy taxes for the consumption of toxic gases can partly solve the problem.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
especially
oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
and the UAE should
be charged
more than other organizations.
For instance
, these taken actions can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the position in these countries.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are not willing to take measures to protect the atmosphere, encouragements of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the situation better.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should their best in order to alleviate the situation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Many people today prefer socializing online to that in the local community, do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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