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Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other adults prefer to live with their family for a longer time. Which of this situation do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your response. v.3

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other adults prefer to live with their family for a longer time. Which of this situation do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your response. v. 3
Family plays an important role in everyone' s life, and it helps in many ways to shape our lives for the future. Sometimes young adults do not want to live with their families as they feel limitation in their freedom. However, I always prefer to live with my parents for a longer time. I feel this way because I feel more secure while living with my family, I can save money and help my family while staying together, and I do not want to disobey the tradition that are going on in my family for many years. To begin with, I believe that parents' home is the place that provides us warmness and love. We cannot get this kind of unconditional love anywhere in this world. Our parents' love is unconditional; they care for us with being judgmental. They pamper us from our childhood, and they still care about us even though we are grown as an adult. Besides, I am free of worries when I am with my family as I know they are with me in my difficult time. I can share my problems and difficulties with them. We can confer about my problems, and find the the best solutions of them. If I decide to leave them, I would not have any of them to give me sympathy and cheer me us in my bad time. Thus living with family gives me a sense of secureness. In addition, I do not have to worry about bills when I am living with my parents. I do not think about my food, do not have to shop for grocery. For example, when I went away from my family for my further education, I had to face very difficult time as I had to plan for my food, I had to do laundry and other chores my own. Furthermore, I had to pay my bills, and buy new furniture for my new home. It was very difficult for me to handle all this things without my family. I do not want to pass through all this situations again. Therefore, I will never leave my family. Last but not least, in Asian culture, we have traditions of living with family for our whole lives. My parents did the same for their parents, and it is one of the responsibilities that is expected from every child to fulfill in my culture. I do not want to run away from this responsibility. Moreover, if m parents are with me, I do not have to worry about raising my kids as my mother and father will be there fore them to teach them about rules of a society, and play with them. Thus, I want to obey the beliefs of my community. To sum it up, even though some young adults do not want to live with their families for very long, I always prefer to live with them as long as I can because They make me feel secure, help me to save money, and teach me to follow the traditions to my culture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyone&
#039; s life, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to shape our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
for the future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
young adults do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
limitation in their freedom.
However
, I always prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
more secure while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, I can save money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
while staying together, and I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to disobey the tradition that are going on in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; home is the place that provides us warmness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. We cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this kind of unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
anywhere in this world. Our
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
is unconditional; they care for us with being judgmental. They pamper us from our childhood, and they
still
care about us
even though
we
are grown
as an adult.
Besides
, I am free of worries when I am with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as I know they are with me in my difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I can share my problems and difficulties with them. We can confer about my problems, and find
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
best solutions of them. If I decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them, I would not have any of them to give me sympathy and cheer me us in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
gives me a sense of
Possible spelling mistake found.
secureness
.

In addition
, I do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about bills when I am
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about my food, do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shop for grocery.
For example
, when I went away from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for my
further
education, I had to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as I had to plan for my food, I had to do laundry and other chores my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Furthermore
, I had to pay my bills, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new furniture for my new home. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for me to handle all
Did you mean "these"?
this
things without my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to pass through all
Did you mean "these"?
this
situations again.
Therefore
, I will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
my family.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, in Asian culture, we have traditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for our whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did the same for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and it is one of the responsibilities
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from every child to fulfill in my culture. I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to run away from this responsibility.
Moreover
, if m
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are with me, I do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about raising my kids as my mother and father will be
This word is normally spelled as one.
there fore
them to teach them about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of a society, and play with them.
Thus
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to obey the beliefs of my community.

To sum it up,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young adults do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long, I always prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with them as long as I can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
secure,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to save money, and teach me to follow the traditions to my culture.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other adults prefer to live with their family for a longer time. Which of this situation do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your response. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
511 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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