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Question: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support y v.2

Question: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support y v. 2
Every young adult will grow and live apart from their parents to form their own families. The ages for those young adults to be independent depends on each person. Some people may have to live longer with their parents and some others may not. This essay will discuss the issue of independent life and living with their families for a longer time. Most young adults prefer to have a separate or independent life from their parents or families as soon as possible. This is because they have a strong urge for freedom in doing what they desire. But in fact many of them fail. This should not be surprising since often they are actually not ready mentally although they are physically ready. It is widely understood that to live independently requires a lot of energy and is not easy at all. In this twenty first century, people may need more and more preparation because competition is increasing rapidly. An observation shows that many University graduated students are unemployed. So living independently at an early age is not suitable for all young adults, some young adult may need to take more time to prepare themselves before going out to struggle. Young adults need to be ready to support themselves. Taking time to get more education and living with their families for a longer time may lead them to a better independent life because they will be well prepared for the hard-life outside. Still, living with their families for too long will not be a good idea because they could get to used to it and to be less independent. The time to live independently depends on the person itself. He or she must decide whether they are ready to leave their parents to have an independent life or not. The decision will vary from one person to another. A person should judge that he is capable of fulfilling his needs without being dependent on his parents; this indicates that he is ready for his independent life. Otherwise he might need to stay longer with his parents.
Every
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young
adult will grow and
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live
apart from their
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parents
to form their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
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families
. The ages for those
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young
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adults
to be
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independent
depends on each
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person
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
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live
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longer
with their
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parents
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others may not. This essay will discuss the issue of
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independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
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living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
time.

Most
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young
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adults
prefer to have a separate or
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independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from their
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parents
or
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families
as
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soon
as possible. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a strong urge for freedom in doing what they desire.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in fact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them fail. This should not be surprising since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
they are actually not
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ready
mentally although they are
physically
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ready
. It is
widely
understood that to
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live
independently
requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
energy and is not easy at all. In this twenty
first
century,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
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need
more and more preparation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
competition is increasing
rapidly
. An observation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
University graduated students
are unemployed
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
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living
independently
at an early age is not suitable for all
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young
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adults
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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young
adult may
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need
to take more
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time
to prepare themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going out to struggle.
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Young
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adults
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need
to be
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ready
to support themselves. Taking
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time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more education and
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living
with their
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families
for a
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longer
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time
may lead them to a better
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independent
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life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-life outside.
Still
,
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living
with their
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families
for too long will not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to it and to be less independent.

The
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time
to
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live
independently
depends on the
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person
itself. He or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
decide whether they are
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ready
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
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parents
to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or not. The decision will vary from one
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person
to another. A
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person
should judge that he is capable of fulfilling his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
without being dependent on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
; this indicates that he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ready
for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
he might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Question: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support y v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Question: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support y v.2