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Do you prefer a friend who is similar to you or different from you? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Do you prefer a friend who is similar to you or different from you? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
More often than not, in developed countries, parents are choosing to send their children  to self funded schools. While some critics argue that such parents should be evicted from paying taxes that are used to fund government schools, I strongly believe that all citizens should contribute to public education through taxation, even though they might not benefit from it directly. To begin with, funds are required for adequate running of government schools and ensure that every child has access to basic education. In other words, if the government lacks appropriate fund by giving some parents waivers not to pay taxes, the government schools will have to shut down. Consequently, less children will have the opportunity to be educated, because not all families can afford to send their children to private schools, which makes its important for everyone to pay taxes. Furthermore, a large population of every society attend government schools and the entire society benefits when the majority of its populace is educated. In Britain, for example, most of the citizens are literates, because they have access to free education from grade 1 to high school, therefore, they are able to contribute to the growth of the economy. Most high school graduates often work during their gap year at retail stores before continuing their education or sometimes work part time while studying at the university. This has made a significant positive impact on the British economy. In conclusion, it is a clear fact that government funded schools makes a huge impact in educating a large number of its citizens and contributing to the economic growth, which means that all families should be required to pay taxes that contributes to the funding of this academic institution regardless of where they choose to send their children to learn.
More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, parents are choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
to self funded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critics argue that such parents should
be evicted
from paying taxes that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, I
strongly
believe that all citizens should contribute to public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
through taxation,
even though
they might not benefit from it
directly
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, funds
are required
for adequate running of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and ensure that every child has access to basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
In other words
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
lacks appropriate fund by giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents waivers not to pay taxes, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shut down.
Consequently
,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun children is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have the opportunity to
be educated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not all families can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone to pay taxes.

Furthermore
, a large population of every society attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and the entire society benefits when the majority of its populace
is educated
. In Britain,
for example
, most of the citizens are literates,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have access to free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from grade 1 to high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
therefore
, they are able to contribute to the growth of the economy. Most high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
work during their gap year at retail stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
continuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
work
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
while studying at the university. This has made a significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the British economy.

In conclusion
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a huge impact in educating
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
its citizens and contributing to the economic growth, which means that all families should
be required
to pay taxes that contributes to the funding of this academic institution regardless of where they choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Do you prefer a friend who is similar to you or different from you? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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