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Some young adults want independent from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a long. Which of these situations do you think its better? Use specific reasons and example to support your answer v.2

Some young adults want independent from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a long. Which of these situations do you think its better? Use specific reasons and example to support your answer v. 2
Becoming an adult is a really special time in anybody’s life and the call to head out into the world and embrace our independence is, for many people, quite powerful I think this can depend on a lot of difference factors; for example, somebody starting a job might have difference needs and properties compare to a person who intend to go and study at university. Generally speaking, I believe that is better for all concerned if young adults continue to live with their families for a longer time, particularly if they are going to be studying at university or something similar. First of all, it’s important to consider finances. Certainly, it is possible for some young adults to get work and support themselves relatively quickly however, in most part of the world. These days it cost a lot to rent a house, attend university, buy a car or purchase things like insurance. By way of example, I can recall trying to live independently outside the family home as a university student and I constantly struggled to pay bills and meet all the other costs of living as young adults. This in turn had adverse effects for things like my study performance. Hence, In addition, to the important of finances, I think this better for a young adults study potential with your families support, it is a lot easier to focus on young studies (for most people) you are more likely to eat better meals, have a quiet place to do school work and get a decent night’s sleep if you happen to be living in the family home. I can recall a friend from my university days who lived in share house with other students. Life was a party from him but he didn' t eat or study well and inevitably his grades suffered. He had to repeat several subjects and finished his degree later than many of his peers. Finally, staying at home with one’s person doesn' t necessarily mean that young adults cannot develop independence. I’ll be the first to admit that there are parents out their children have grown up and deserve treatment as adults; it’s instinctive in many of them to continue to play a mothering in many of them to continue to play a mothering role that can actually be quite stiffing for a young adults. Despite this possibility, Even though I spent most of my university days living with my parents, they respect me as a adult as well as their child and they didn' t attempt to interfere too much or limit my independence. In fact, I believe the safe environment of the family is a good place to handle the transition to adulthood for all concerned, both the child and the parents. I think this is the case for many other young people as well, so I don’t think it is necessarily fair to claim they are somehow unable to enjoy benefits of independence. By way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I’m of the opinion that in most cases it’s actually more beneficial for adults to continue living with their families for a longer period of time. Families are precious things and an essential part of the fabric of a nurturing society, so I have a strong belief that they can be a powerful guide in helping children negotiate the path of independence.
Becoming an adult is a
really
special time in anybody’s life and the call to head out into the world and embrace our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
is, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, quite powerful I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this can depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difference factors;
for example
, somebody starting a job might have difference needs and properties compare to a person who intend to go and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Generally
speaking, I believe
that is
better for all concerned if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
for a longer time,
particularly
if they are going to be studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or something similar.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider finances.
Certainly
, it is possible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
work and support themselves
relatively
quickly
however
, in most part of the world. These days it cost a lot to rent a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a car or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things like insurance. By way of example, I can recall trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
home as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
student and I
constantly
struggled to pay bills and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
all the other costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. This in turn had adverse effects for things like my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
performance.

Hence
,
In addition
, to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of finances, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this better for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
potential with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
support, it is a lot easier to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
(for most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
) you are more likely to eat better meals, have a quiet place to do school work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a decent night’s sleep if you happen to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
home. I can recall a friend from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
days who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with other students. Life was a party from him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t eat or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
well and
inevitably
his grades suffered. He had to repeat several subjects and finished his degree later than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of his peers.

Finally
, staying at home with one’s person
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t
necessarily
mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
cannot develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
. I’ll be the
first
to admit that there are parents out their children have grown up and deserve treatment as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
; it’s instinctive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
to play a mothering in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
to play a mothering role that can actually be quite stiffing for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "adult"?
adults
. Despite this possibility,
Even though
I spent most of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with my parents, they respect me as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
adult
as well
as their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
child and
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t attempt to interfere too much or limit my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
. In fact, I believe the safe environment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to handle the transition to adulthood for all concerned, both the child and the parents. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this is the case for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is
necessarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to claim they are somehow unable to enjoy benefits of independence.

By way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I’m of the opinion that
in most cases
it’s actually more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
for a longer period of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Families
are precious things and an essential part of the fabric of a nurturing society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I have a strong belief that they can be a powerful guide in helping children negotiate the path of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young adults want independent from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a long. Which of these situations do you think its better? Use specific reasons and example to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
564 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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